Mr Skeletor's Mailbag, 30th April

Here is this weeks Mailbag. Got a few to get through so let’s dive straight in.

Ted “MIA” Torgerson writes:

Dear Great Mr. Skeletor:

My question is about sportsmanship in AT games. After I am eliminated from a game, is it okay if I just sweep the board with my right arm and scream, "What a waste of six hours of my life with you freaking losers!" That's what I usually do but lately I've been wondering if there is a cooler way to handle this situation? Likewise if I knock another player out I always ask him to grab me a soda since he is getting up anyway. Or should I just point my finger and laugh? Eliminating another player is my favorite part of the game. You know "see my enemies driven before me, hear the lamentations of their women" etc. etc. What's the cool AT way to dance on the other guy's grave so to speak?

Ted Torgerson

Firstly, I must congratulate you on that great opening Ted. Are the rumours true about you leaving board game geek to become the 5^th member of the A-team?

Now on to your question. I must shamefully admit that I have never actually been involved in a game where someone has overturned the board. I have been involved in a few games where someone has cracked the shits and left the table, but that is the extent of it – I can only sit with envy when I hear tales of overturned tables or people tossing chairs around the room. Remember that when you sweep the board and prematurely end a game, you may have ruined the others night but you have created a lifetime of memories, similar to that shitty holiday that ended in a complete disaster but provided you with dinner conversations for the next 50 years.

The problem is you can’t do the same thing all the time otherwise you get predictable and boring like an “Everybody Loves Raymond” episode; rather you need to keep escalating. May I suggest next time you lose at Dune (playing your mates copy) you whip out a lighter and can of hairspray and make the planet go super nova? Not only would this make you an utter legend in gaming which people will speak about for centuries to come, but everyone else with a copy of Dune will thank you for making it all the more rarer when they sell it on Ebay to send their kids to college.

Eliminating other players is always good fun, especially when you do it even at the expense of winning the game – no win after all can give you the pure euphoria of seeing your gaming ‘buddy’ turn 18 shades of red. The ultimate grave dancing I think would be after smashing their last unit on the board and taking all of their lands to whip out some polaroids of you screwing his wife in positions that he didn’t even know she was capable of. In fact that would kick so much ass that if anyone films this happening and places the results up on YouTube I’ll grant you the keys to get into the secret section of the blog that no one knows about. It’ll certainly help pass the time while you are getting your face reconstructed.

Paul “I spell Vasel right” Hedrick writes:

Dear Mr. Skeletor,

As you know, many have named you the Tom Vasel of Fortress: Ameritrash
(with Barnes as F:AT's Thornquist, Robert Martin the Schloesser, and
Ken Bradford the "Franklin Cobb"): high praise indeed. And as you
also know, Tom Vasel is well-known for his gripping top ten lists,
which are renowned for their universal appeal; gaming itself might not
exist without lists like Top 10 Games to Play With Your Board of
Deacons, or Top 10 Games That Were So Nasty I Used the Word "Heck."

So how about a couple of top 10 game lists from you, Mr. Skeletor?

sincerely,

theranko

Err, what? How on earth did I pull being the ‘Tom Vasel’?

Number of reviews Tom V writes: 4,582

Number of reviews Mr S writes: 0 (1 if you count the one that got rejected due to people not liking me saying Runebound 1^st edition was meant to suck more than a $20 hooker.)

Number of swear words Tom V uses: 0

Number of swear words Mr S uses: 8 (turned sideways.)

Number of users Tom V has had kicked off… I think you get the picture.

Regardless, here is a top 10 list for your reading pleasure.

Top 10 games where I enjoy scratching my balls while playing.

10. A game of thrones

9. Doom: the boardgame

8. Power grid

7. Combat commander: Europe

6. Loopin Louie

5. Titan

4. Bang!

3. Frenzy!

2. Scarab Lords

1. Busen Memo

Ryan “Naked Molerat” Walberg writes:

Dear Mr Skeletor,

I recently had a post on BGG deleted because I indirectly called Steve Weeks a douchebag. How do I best refer to someone as a bag of douche without having Dan Karp delete it? I was thinking of accusing Weeks of "douchebaggery" but I'm not sure if that's a word.

Thank you,
Faithful Reader

Well Ryan MS Word underlines “douchebaggery” in red, so it doesn’t seem to be a word. Then again it underlines douchebag as well, so maybe the Americans don’t have douchebags but still use chamber pots?

Your best bet at the moment is to put your insult into the tags section since it seems Daniel or the other admins aren’t scanning those as some people appear to have discovered, but I’m afraid it’s only a matter of time before Karp discovers this last bastion of assholeic freedom being the crafty fox he is.

Failing that you could simply just call Steve a douchebag in the comments section below, as to my knowledge Karp has no power on here. But if he does and you get caught I don’t know you.

Well this section is getting mega long so I’ll stop there – the mails I didn’t get to this week I’ll do next.

If you have any mail for this section write to fortressat@gmail.com with [mailbag] in the subject line. Your mail doesn’t have to necessarily be a silly question, if you write a good AT related article that you think deserves to be put above the comments section send it in and I’ll put it up for you and make your mum (mom) proud.

‘Till next time, Let’s Donate!