Sunday, 29 April 2007

Mr Skeletor's Mailbag, 30th April

Here is this weeks Mailbag. Got a few to get through so let’s dive straight in.

Ted “MIA” Torgerson writes:

Dear Great Mr. Skeletor:

My question is about sportsmanship in AT games. After I am eliminated from a game, is it okay if I just sweep the board with my right arm and scream, "What a waste of six hours of my life with you freaking losers!" That's what I usually do but lately I've been wondering if there is a cooler way to handle this situation? Likewise if I knock another player out I always ask him to grab me a soda since he is getting up anyway. Or should I just point my finger and laugh? Eliminating another player is my favorite part of the game. You know "see my enemies driven before me, hear the lamentations of their women" etc. etc. What's the cool AT way to dance on the other guy's grave so to speak?

Ted Torgerson


Firstly, I must congratulate you on that great opening Ted. Are the rumours true about you leaving board game geek to become the 5th member of the A-team?

Now on to your question. I must shamefully admit that I have never actually been involved in a game where someone has overturned the board. I have been involved in a few games where someone has cracked the shits and left the table, but that is the extent of it – I can only sit with envy when I hear tales of overturned tables or people tossing chairs around the room. Remember that when you sweep the board and prematurely end a game, you may have ruined the others night but you have created a lifetime of memories, similar to that shitty holiday that ended in a complete disaster but provided you with dinner conversations for the next 50 years.

The problem is you can’t do the same thing all the time otherwise you get predictable and boring like an “Everybody Loves Raymond” episode; rather you need to keep escalating. May I suggest next time you lose at Dune (playing your mates copy) you whip out a lighter and can of hairspray and make the planet go super nova? Not only would this make you an utter legend in gaming which people will speak about for centuries to come, but everyone else with a copy of Dune will thank you for making it all the more rarer when they sell it on Ebay to send their kids to college.

Eliminating other players is always good fun, especially when you do it even at the expense of winning the game – no win after all can give you the pure euphoria of seeing your gaming ‘buddy’ turn 18 shades of red. The ultimate grave dancing I think would be after smashing their last unit on the board and taking all of their lands to whip out some polaroids of you screwing his wife in positions that he didn’t even know she was capable of. In fact that would kick so much ass that if anyone films this happening and places the results up on YouTube I’ll grant you the keys to get into the secret section of the blog that no one knows about. It’ll certainly help pass the time while you are getting your face reconstructed.

Paul “I spell Vasel right” Hedrick writes:

Dear Mr. Skeletor,

As you know, many have named you the Tom Vasel of Fortress: Ameritrash
(with Barnes as F:AT's Thornquist, Robert Martin the Schloesser, and
Ken Bradford the "Franklin Cobb"): high praise indeed. And as you
also know, Tom Vasel is well-known for his gripping top ten lists,
which are renowned for their universal appeal; gaming itself might not
exist without lists like Top 10 Games to Play With Your Board of
Deacons, or Top 10 Games That Were So Nasty I Used the Word "Heck."

So how about a couple of top 10 game lists from you, Mr. Skeletor?

sincerely,

theranko


Err, what? How on earth did I pull being the ‘Tom Vasel’?

Number of reviews Tom V writes: 4,582

Number of reviews Mr S writes: 0 (1 if you count the one that got rejected due to people not liking me saying Runebound 1st edition was meant to suck more than a $20 hooker.)

Number of swear words Tom V uses: 0

Number of swear words Mr S uses: 8 (turned sideways.)

Number of users Tom V has had kicked off… I think you get the picture.

Regardless, here is a top 10 list for your reading pleasure.


Top 10 games where I enjoy scratching my balls while playing.

10. A game of thrones

9. Doom: the boardgame

8. Power grid

7. Combat commander: Europe

6. Loopin Louie

5. Titan

4. Bang!

3. Frenzy!

2. Scarab Lords

1. Busen Memo


Ryan “Naked Molerat” Walberg writes:

Dear Mr Skeletor,

I recently had a post on BGG deleted because I indirectly called Steve Weeks a douchebag. How do I best refer to someone as a bag of douche without having Dan Karp delete it? I was thinking of accusing Weeks of "douchebaggery" but I'm not sure if that's a word.

Thank you,
Faithful Reader


Well Ryan MS Word underlines “douchebaggery” in red, so it doesn’t seem to be a word. Then again it underlines douchebag as well, so maybe the Americans don’t have douchebags but still use chamber pots?

Your best bet at the moment is to put your insult into the tags section since it seems Daniel or the other admins aren’t scanning those as some people appear to have discovered, but I’m afraid it’s only a matter of time before Karp discovers this last bastion of assholeic freedom being the crafty fox he is.

Failing that you could simply just call Steve a douchebag in the comments section below, as to my knowledge Karp has no power on here. But if he does and you get caught I don’t know you.

Well this section is getting mega long so I’ll stop there – the mails I didn’t get to this week I’ll do next.

If you have any mail for this section write to fortressat@gmail.com with [mailbag] in the subject line. Your mail doesn’t have to necessarily be a silly question, if you write a good AT related article that you think deserves to be put above the comments section send it in and I’ll put it up for you and make your mum (mom) proud.

‘Till next time, Let’s Donate!

46 comments:

Michael Barnes said...

Maybe you should solicit paypal donations (ahem, "Prayer Requests") so you can buy that new minivan to haul around Beastman, Merman, and the boys, Skel...

Ted- really, the proper response to player elimination is to accept defeat and take your place in the Darwinian scheme of things. If you can't stand the heat, you know...we usually make the first player eliminated fetch chips and drinks for the remainder of the night or exile them off to play Wii by themselves. Or go home. We make it a point to ensure that the eliminatee is made to feel like coming over was a complete waste of time and that their entire evening was ruined over a stupid board game. Might is right!

BagpipeDan said...

You guys are all douchebags.

Skeletor, what if I crush my girlfriend in a Game of Thrones and finish off with "I think I'll invite my other girlfriend over tonight and bang a winner"?

I'll even whip out a picture of the other girlfriend naked. I just don't think anybody would appreciate seeing me naked.

I'm not kidding, either. I'd do quite a bit for posting priveleges*

The only problem would be convincing her to play Lannister... but otherwise this is very doable.

*no, not that

Matt Thrower said...

1. Busen Memo

Quality moment. Congrats on making F:AT hit it's lowest and highest point so far at exactly the same time!

the red phantom said...

Brilliant responses! Mr. Skeletor's sense of humor does not shine so well on BGG as it apparently does here.

StephenAvery said...

Ideas for an AT Gamefest

Ok- I've tried to get the ball rolling on this but so far its been moving way too slow or my attention deficit self.

I've started a general gaming Con geeklist but there has been little input so far.
http://www.boardgamegeek.com/geeklist/21237

Of course one of you F:AT bigwigs could start their own Thread if they were so inclined so poor ol' Steve Avery wouldn't have to put it under Mailbag comments...but that is entirely up to you. :D

Tom Hazlett (Southernman) said...

Ryan - I was one who flagged your post as I was getting so fucked off with that thread and all the mincers (Brit term for spineless gay fuckers) that it was the only thing else I could do (apart from post some abuse myself - which I did) that made me feel remotely soothed at the time.

It was not a reflection on you or Steve Weeks - I do not know him, have never listened to his podcasts or read his posts (that I can remember), and from what I hear about him here he is probably a 1st class tosser who is well overdue to get the shit kicked out of him - so please feel free to post the 'deleted post' here on F:A so I can work out his popularity (or lack of) from all the following posts.

Post haste ...

Pat H said...

How does "Douche-buggery" sound...

Tom Hazlett (Southernman) said...

Pat H said...
How does "Douche-buggery" sound...


Not really interested myself ... is it a Canadian thing ;-)

Ken Bradford said...

So long as it doesn't lead to "tea-baggery", I guess we'll be OK.

Jeb said...

Just use another adjective in lieu of douchebaggy. Make something up like "frack" on Battlestar Galatica or that Chinese stuff from the other show. I suggest "Mampfos" and "Mampfossian".

TheRankO said...

Skeletor -- thanks for the list. You didn't disappoint.

Daniel Karp said...

Ryan--

Your post is still there and readable. It takes an extra click, because it received many flags (more than any other post in the last 7 days), and is displayed collapsed if you have your forum filtering on.

I emailed you in response to the post to ask you not to post personal attacks, but I didn't do anything with the original post.

Ken Bradford said...

Daniel--

Glad to hear it. Consistency has been the biggest complaint in regards to forum moderation.

Next up--you guys have GOT to do something about these passive-aggressive tags that people are putting on Forum posts and Geeklists that they don't agree with.

Here's a tip, fellas--with a few clicks, we SEE WHO YOU ARE. I'm sure many know this, but I'm sure there are equally many who think tags are anonymous. They are only slightly less anonymous than a regular forum post.

Putting "Boring", "Bitchfest", or whatever little cute snipes you want to put on things...if the admins don't start doing stuff about them, this whole "no personal attacks!" garbage will be exposed for what it truly is.

Anonymous said...

Blegh, hush about the 'geek. Some of us come here to get away from that 'tard-fest locked-thread-a-thon . . . . not to give them advice on how to run it better that they wouldn't listen to on their OWN site.

Personally, I enjoy the tag abuse. It's fun reading the name of lil' critters who think they've done a clever and secret thing but don't have the nerves to get in the trenches with the rest of us.

Ken Bradford said...

Oops. Yeah, I slipped there.


Carry on, gentlemen.

Pat H said...

As we say here - "Sacre-Douche". The term "Douchebag" goes back thousands of years to the Babylonian mathematician "Douchbagi" who had first coined the term. There are still scholarly debates raging as to the supposed mention of Douchbagi in the fable of Gilgamesh, and ultimately the role Douchebagi played in the whole saga.

The term Douchbag is deeper than any website and closing threads should certainly not be taken lightly. What other word could correctly replace "Douchebag". Once again a complete misunderstanding of a time enduring term is wasted on our "keypad-" generation. Oh Douchbagi must be turning in his grave.

Perhaps if our loyal poster had just used the more internet accepted "ZOMG U R GAY -I PWN YOU!" things might not have degenerated.

Admin said...

How do I best refer to someone as a bag of douche without having Dan Karp delete it?

It's a matter of understanding the semantics.

For example, you could say:
"Steve Weeks is a douchebag"
This is certainly a personal attack.

But you should say:
"Steve Weeks acts like a douchebag."
This is gentle, lovingly applied, paternal constructive criticism.

You see? Now you try it!

Tom Hazlett (Southernman) said...

ORANGE ALERT -

Is this site becoming the new location to moan/complain about a certain site's 'admin gone crazy' suffocation ... and get your own personal reply from a special guest Admin.

Or am I the only one trying to check if I'm in a hallucinary state or not ?

Admin said...

Where's my ban button? Asshole!

Ken Bradford said...

SouthernMan--

Nosir. I have been reprimanded for my lapse and will speak of this no more. I have tasted animal flesh and I have enjoyed it.


Back to AT. No more "other site" nonsense.



WELCOME...TO THE FORTRESS.

Mr Skeletor said...

Bagpipedan:
Just send me pictures of both your girlfriends naked and you can forget the game bit all together.

Steve Avery:
Lazy bastards don't get threads here. You want a thread for your mad scheme, send me in an article about it and I'll post it up for you in it's own section.

theranko:
I live to serve. Well actually I live to rule but I'll give you one act of servitude a year.

Mr Skeletor said...

ORANGE ALERT -

Is this site becoming the new location to moan/complain about a certain site's 'admin gone crazy' suffocation ... and get your own personal reply from a special guest Admin.


Dunno, maybe it is. The BGG bitchfest articles do seem to be the most popular after all. In the end I'm just posting up what people send me, If you don't want to read this ca-ca then send me some different shit so we can yap about that.

That being said you wont catch me on the Karp bashing bandwagon, since I think he is hands down the best admin on there. Yes, he is too heavy handed for my tastes, but in the end he is simply acting on instructions from above. At least he tries to remain unbias and fair, is honest, consistent, and above all is approachable and responsive. He also seems like he listens and always tries to self improve. Octavian would be OK if he wasn't so obsessed with thread locking. I don't even know who the other admins are because they seem to do sweet fuck all, unless they have other duties I am unaware of. That's the other thing I like about karp, he sticks his neck out and takes bullets from left, right and centre with next to no backup and yet I have never heard him complain despite having what seems to be the most thankless job on there.
We should bake him a cake.

mtlawson said...

Mr. S has never been part of a game where the board got overturned?

Wow.

That used to happen a lot when I played Axis and Allies in high school. One guy I knew used to like taking on all comers, but when he started losing, he simply went ballistic. Usually at about the point that he (as the Allies) would lose China he'd just blow up and flip the board.

Normally you'd think that a fight would ensue, but since he was into guns, grenades, and other items, we'd just rather take it than become a statistic.

BagpipeDan said...

Bagpipedan:
Just send me pictures of both your girlfriends naked and you can forget the game bit all together.


Do I get banning priveleges?

jason718 said...

(Brit term for spineless gay fuckers)

Geez...and The Red Phantom thinks I'm a homophobe...well phantom ol' pal you can stick your holier than thouness up your gary glitter. You'll probably like it...the rest of you whiners too. I'll kick all of your freakin' boards over!

Mr Skeletor said...

Actually bagpipedan I can't let you into the secret area because you may flood the thing with Mornington Cresent bullshit. I'm sorry.
Feel free to show me your girlfriends boobs anyway.

Julian said...

My observations so far.

I think Theranko owes Ken an apology for comparing him to that BGG asshole Franklin Cobb. Man I hate that Cobb guy. He's a piece of work.

Bagpipedan, I liked your Mornington Crescent bullshit. I like when flamewars become surreal. The best bits of the old Steve Weeks threads were when people posted pictures of chicks on bikes.

I hacked into the secret area, and your not missing anything. It's all pictures of Mark E. Smith in an american flag bikini.

BagpipeDan said...

Actually bagpipedan I can't let you into the secret area because you may flood the thing with Mornington Cresent bullshit.

You're just angry cause I shat on your thread. Can I discuss this proposition with somebody who's less of a bitch?

Oh man, after all this talk about player elimination, though, I want to play Samurai Swords so bad and just go batshit crazy on the dude who starts next to me. That'll teach him to place any Daimyo in my sphere of influence

Mr Skeletor said...

Can I discuss this proposition with somebody who's less of a bitch?

No.

Daniel Karp said...

Next up--you guys have GOT to do something about these passive-aggressive tags

Believe it or not, we do. They would be much worse if we didn't try to keep them under control, but I agree that we notice problems in tags less often than we notice problems elsewhere.

But you should say:
"[that guy] acts like a douchebag."


Sorry, you'll have to keep those sorts of comments here on Fortress: Ameritrash as well. You can't rules-lawyer your insults onto the BGG. (Is rules-lawyer a verb?)

Anonymous said...

Over on BGG the excitment mounts. See
http://boardgamegeek.com/thread/164127

LAME!!!!

Michael Barnes said...

That place has become like the later seasons of BUCK ROGERS, when they brought in that new tall robot and got on the new ship.

I can't believe people lined up to say how interested they were in what is likely the most generic game description EVER, short of "This game comes in a box."

But I also saw that Knizia is doing a video game, so the end _must_ be near...I can hear teeth gnashing...

Michael Barnes said...

You're just angry cause I shat on your thread.

Don't shit where you eat, Dan.

Ken Bradford said...

Don't shit where you eat



Ah...the verbiage of the great philosopher, Joey Belladonna.

Pat H said...

Joey likes games with player elimination.

Michael Barnes said...

Ah...the verbiage of the great philosopher, Joey Belladonna.

Stomp stomp stomp, the idiot convention...which one of these words, don't you understand?

Pat H said...

Nfl, efilnikufesin nfl
Nfl, efilnikufesin nfl


The soundtrack of youthful gaming fun. In reflection...

Its all been NFL.

RKFade said...

But you should say:
"[that guy] acts like a douchebag."

Sorry, you'll have to keep those sorts of comments here on Fortress: Ameritrash as well. You can't rules-lawyer your insults onto the BGG. (Is rules-lawyer a verb?)



Who do you think taught us how to do that? ;)

For the record . . . I'm not baking you a cake. Mr. S is going soft and needs some discipline.

Michael Barnes said...

Sorry, you'll have to keep those sorts of comments here on Fortress: Ameritrash as well.

Your powers are useless here, Karp.

Mr Skeletor said...

RFade will bake karp a cake or I will ban him.

John Bush > Belladonna. You all know it's true.

Mr Skeletor said...

Sorry, you'll have to keep those sorts of comments here on Fortress: Ameritrash as well. You can't rules-lawyer your insults onto the BGG. (Is rules-lawyer a verb?)

But you can get banned for posting naughty things on other websites and media as well.
Or have you already forgotten then Weeks vs Aldie case?

RKFade said...

Mr. S, I'm baking YOU a "cake" right now. Just need . . . erg . . . a few more . . . ::grunt:: minutes . . .and that "cake" will be along . . . Yeah, there should be enough for you to share with your best pal Karp . . . ::grunt::

Michael Barnes said...

John Bush > Belladonna. You all know it's true.

Nonsense.

Pre-1990 Anthrax > Post-1990 Anthrax+Armored Saint.

Mr Skeletor said...

Not much of an armoured saint fan, but sound of white noise alone kills anything belladonna did.

Ken B. said...

I'M THE MAN
I'M THE MAN
I'M SO BAD, I SHOULD BE IN DETENTION


I'M THE MAAAAAAAAN

Michael Barnes said...

You know, I inadvertantly got a DJ fired at a middle school sock hop when I gave him "I'm the Man" to play...