1. People insist we aren’t treated as a minority group.
Despite the blatantly obvious bias against AT on other websites such as Board Game Geek, the euro crowd will forever deny it exists. “Oh, you get treated like everyone else!” they cry, while creating the 400th geeklist about the best games to teach new gamers, which of course does not contain one ameritrash title. I guess new gamers are too young to hear about our horribly perverse lifestyle.
2. People want us to keep our ‘lifestyle’ to ourselves.
Most normal gamers don’t mind that we play the games we do, as long as we keep our behavior in our homes where they don’t have to see it. Just create 2 threads about AT at the same time and watch the posters from euroland descend upon the threads en masse, stating that they are sick of reading all this AT stuff!
3. We apparently have an ‘agenda’.
Very similar to the ‘gay agenda’ which the tin foil hat brigade insists exists; we too supposedly have an ‘agenda’ according to our detractors - we are simply about stirring trouble, causing chaos and bringing down God’s wrath upon everyone’s head. We don't like or are interested in boardgames at all. Won’t somebody please think of the children?
4. The people against us never admit to being trashophobes.
“Oh I’m not a homophobe! Why some of my friends are gay!”
“Oh we aren’t all about Euros! Why some of my gathering of friends played Descent and Loopin’ Louie in the back corner!”
5. We love theme, flashy presentation and cheesiness.
"The game is all that matters" my arse. We want nice bits, cornball settings and situations, and over the top artwork. Plus we love toys.
6. We believe the longer the better.
No quickie fillers for us thanks. We prefer it to last all night.
7. We know how to party.
Playing Eurogames is akin to going to the opera – I don't care how sophisticated it's meant to be, it’s fucking boring.
Ameritrash is like a gay mardi gras – people tut-tut that we shouldn’t be engaging in such boisterous and uncivilized behavior while we are busy having the time of our lives.
8. Church groups hate us
My copy of DOOM still has water damage from the time when Father Panteloni tried to exorcise it.
9. We love a good catfight.
No passive aggressive bullshit for us. If we have a problem with what someone has done we aren’t afraid to let them know by calling them names, throwing things at them or diving across the table in an attempt to claw their eyes out.
10. We actually know how to make fun of ourselves.
Clearly a trait the Eurosnoots sorely lack.
So be loud and be proud my brothers!
On Monday I will be starting a “mailbag” section, where I will personally respond to comments or questions about our old articles (think 60 minutes.) If you want to write in and get your name above the comments section, send you emails to email@example.com with [mailbag] in the header. Otherwise I’ll just invent some fake mail to make it look like we have fans.