Mr Skeletor’s Mailbag, 7th May

Well, it’s been a busy week down here at the fortress, between us taking cash bribes for Dragon Dice reviews, assmunch Michael B wannabes springing up all over the place and me prancing off like a third rate showpony at BGG, before going on to recruit Chuck Norris into my German army for Combat Commander: Europe to wipe the floor with the local Melbourne CC:E champion.

Here is what you had to say:

Simon Müller writes:

Dear Mr. Skeletor,

I grew up in the countryside and enjoyed a light-hearted and peaceful childhood. My youth hasn't suffered under an imminent exposure to violence and I wasn't drafted by the military either. I especially lead a stress-free life and I also haven't suffered from any mental breakdowns yet.

So why am I so keen on imaginarily destroying a bunch of plastic with an even bigger bunch of plasic? Why do I like to bribe, humiliate, betray and finally annihilate my human opponents? Why do I talk trash and make bad jokes while gaming? Why is breaking an exquisitely carved alliance in a sweeping and particularly devastating maneuver my greatest joy?

I'm not complaining, but does truth lie in the fact the all Ameritrash-Fans are nice guys actually?

If this is true, are Eurogamers, on the contrary, filled with spite and hatred on all human beings?
Do they dream about leading a carefree life by selling slave-harvested bananas?
Are they exceptionally fond of monkey avatars because of this?
Is Tom Vasel the reincarnation of evil?

Thanks for your answers,
Simon.


Do I seem like a nice guy to you motherfucker?

The answers to your questions are really quite simple; you see those feelings and wants come with having a set of balls. Euro players on the other hand have no idea how to handle having balls – grab a copy of Caylus, replace the wooden cubes with wooden balls, then sit back and watch the bitching commence as their resources end up all over the floor.
There is after all a reason why meeples don’t need to wear pants.
As far as Eurogamer dreams about selling slave harvesting banana’s, well I have no idea what a Eurogamer dreams, but I’m certain it has something to do with mathematics. Except for clearclaw of course who most clearly a robot.
The monkey avatar was made popular by Drew1365, who would send his monkey up to the rafters to post insulting comments in the tags section while he climbed upon his soapbox and called for everyone to act civil.
Finally, Tom Vasel is not the reincarnation of evil, women are. However as Tom has 5 daughters I guess that would make him a harbinger of doom.


Jur De Jong writes:

Dear MrSkeletor,

Please stay at the BGG. We need you there. I know it's comfy at F:AT
and you may have tired from the struggle. But as you yourself have
declared, we all love the geek. It has reciprocated our love many
times. Let us, as spurned lovers, prevent her from falling prey to
those of bad character that court her. In the words of that great
musical exponent of Ameritrash:

He hurt you then, but that's all done
I guess I'm saying you're the only one
I'm waiting for the day when you can love again

You didn't think that I could sit around and let him work
You didn't think that I could sit around and let (watch) him take you
You didn't think that I could sit around and let him go
You didn't think that I could sit back and let you go


--
Jur de J


*Blinks*
Did I just have a man sing beachboys to me?
I’m off to have a show and fill out a restraining order. If you want to ask a question, make a comment or write an article about this site or just world domination in general address it to fortressat@gmail.com with [mailbag] in the header.