Friday, 25 May 2007

The Weekly AT Snapshot - 5/25/2007

Exclusive Titan Interview!


Fortress Ameritrash has arranged an exlusive interview with an anonymous source close to the game's production whom we will call "Titan" :

Fortress AT: Congratulations on securing the rights to a Titan reprint!

Titan: Thanks, we're very excited about it.

Fortress AT: I have to ask about the box cover. Is that guy some kind of wizard?

Titan: No, that's actually Tiziano Vecelli, a famous Renaissance era painter.

Fortress AT: ...

Titan: Our market research indicates that wizened, sage old men on box covers result in higher sales volume. So we thought we would go with it. We've rethemed the game so that the "Titans" are now "Titans of the Art World". Da Vinci, Van Gogh, C├ęzanne, Matisse, Picasso, Warhol - all of the great masters are there.

Fortress AT: But doesn't that completely blow away the classic Ameritrash theme of the game?

Titan: We were a little worried about that, so we gave each of the Titans a special power. Da Vinci has a spiked tail attack. Van Gogh regenerates. Picasso has plasma breath. Andy Warhol changes colors and spits acid.

Fortress AT: Weird. What about player elimination?

Titan: We're pleased to announce that we've eliminated player elimination!

Fortress AT: Really? How did you pull that off without fundamentally altering the game?

Titan: Well, when your Titan is "killed" (which we now call "shamed"), you're allowed to throw your hands up in the air and exclaim, "All this fighting is for the birds!" At that point, you can play a little card game we call Titan: The Collecting.

Fortress AT: That's an interesting approach. So you include an extra game to play when you get "eliminated" from the main game?

Titan: Exactly. The idea is to prevent players from having to engage in conversation, fetch chips and soda, that sort of thing. It gives everyone something to focus on.

Fortress AT: Tell us how this extra game works.

Titan: Well, it's basically a retheme of one of those Reiner Knizia flea games. You're an egg collector trying to amass sets of eggs in a small basket. You bid on gargoyle eggs, giant eggs, troll eggs, pegasus eggs - you get the picture.

Fortress AT: Trolls don't lay eggs.

Titan: They do now!

Fortress AT: So what's the point of this extra game? Can you win somehow?

Titan: It's all about impressing the Titan. The player with the most eggs doesn't have to help clean up the game. Isn't that clever?

Fortress AT: Yeah, that's pretty good. Anyhow, that about wraps up our time for today. Thanks for sharing with us.

Titan: Glad to be here. ATREYU!!!

This week's snapshot was submitted by our own Matt Thrower. Very elegant work, Matt!

Calling all photoshoppers and imagehounds! The Weekly AT Snapshot wants YOUR images! You send the picture, we add the back-story!

If you've got a great image that just screams Ameritrash, email us the image or a URL. It can be an image you created or an image you found on the web. We don't care! If it meets our strict quality standards, we'll publish it in The Weekly AT Snapshot, instantly making you an undeniable global celebrity. We'll even pimp your website if you send us the URL for that. Send all submissions to fortressat@gmail.com with the word "Snapshot" in the subject line.

16 comments:

mtlawson said...

Titian??

Mike said...

Very funny but shouldn't Van Gogh's weapon be to throw boomerang-ears at the other players?

Michael Barnes said...

Genius, Thrower.

I thought this line was the piece de resistance-

Our market research indicates that wizened, sage old men on box covers result in higher sales volume.

Until I read this one-

Andy Warhol changes color and spits acid

neonpeon said...

mtlawson, the guy in the pic, Tiziano Vecelli, was a Renaissance painter also known as Titian. Brilliant. :)

Malloc said...

Wonderful! Glad I pre-ordered 100 copies! I will go on the geek and write a review (Complete with red text) to help drive up the hype.

-M

Michael Barnes said...

Were those 100 "review copies", Mike?

mtlawson said...

neonpeon said...
mtlawson, the guy in the pic, Tiziano Vecelli, was a Renaissance painter also known as Titian. Brilliant. :)


Ah. That's what I get for not knowing my Renaissance painters.

--Mike L.

robartin said...

Hey, Thrower might have drawed the picture, but I done wrote the words!

Mr Skeletor said...

You forgot to ask if it comes with minis!

J de said...

I was jus' hopin' it would be Thetans an' I could just throw nukes into volcanoes an' I could play it John Travolta an' Tom Crux.

That would be jus' fuckin' Ameritrash!

robartin said...

Very funny but shouldn't Van Gogh's weapon be to throw boomerang-ears at the other players?

Come on, man. Regeneration! Get it? Ah, forget it. Tough crowd.

Gary Sax said...

I was hoping to see a joke about very fleshy nude women, which were Titian the Venetian's forte IIRC.

Liumas said...

Funny!

'google blog' sucks.

Blech.

adrianbolt said...

How can the ultimate AT blasphemy be so painfully funny? (I think I've pulled a stomach muscle.)

You should consider marketing a range of F:AT screen and keyboard covers. And for those who live (Euro-)dangerously some spill proof drinking mugs.

Ryan Walberg said...

That's some funny shit. Well done.

Anonymous said...

A real gem. Many thanks for many laughs.