Sunday, 6 May 2007

Mr Skeletor’s Mailbag, 7th May

Well, it’s been a busy week down here at the fortress, between us taking cash bribes for Dragon Dice reviews, assmunch Michael B wannabes springing up all over the place and me prancing off like a third rate showpony at BGG, before going on to recruit Chuck Norris into my German army for Combat Commander: Europe to wipe the floor with the local Melbourne CC:E champion.

Here is what you had to say:

Simon Müller writes:

Dear Mr. Skeletor,

I grew up in the countryside and enjoyed a light-hearted and peaceful childhood. My youth hasn't suffered under an imminent exposure to violence and I wasn't drafted by the military either. I especially lead a stress-free life and I also haven't suffered from any mental breakdowns yet.

So why am I so keen on imaginarily destroying a bunch of plastic with an even bigger bunch of plasic? Why do I like to bribe, humiliate, betray and finally annihilate my human opponents? Why do I talk trash and make bad jokes while gaming? Why is breaking an exquisitely carved alliance in a sweeping and particularly devastating maneuver my greatest joy?

I'm not complaining, but does truth lie in the fact the all Ameritrash-Fans are nice guys actually?

If this is true, are Eurogamers, on the contrary, filled with spite and hatred on all human beings?
Do they dream about leading a carefree life by selling slave-harvested bananas?
Are they exceptionally fond of monkey avatars because of this?
Is Tom Vasel the reincarnation of evil?

Thanks for your answers,
Simon.



Do I seem like a nice guy to you motherfucker?

The answers to your questions are really quite simple; you see those feelings and wants come with having a set of balls. Euro players on the other hand have no idea how to handle having balls – grab a copy of Caylus, replace the wooden cubes with wooden balls, then sit back and watch the bitching commence as their resources end up all over the floor.
There is after all a reason why meeples don’t need to wear pants.
As far as Eurogamer dreams about selling slave harvesting banana’s, well I have no idea what a Eurogamer dreams, but I’m certain it has something to do with mathematics. Except for clearclaw of course who most clearly a robot.
The monkey avatar was made popular by Drew1365, who would send his monkey up to the rafters to post insulting comments in the tags section while he climbed upon his soapbox and called for everyone to act civil.
Finally, Tom Vasel is not the reincarnation of evil, women are. However as Tom has 5 daughters I guess that would make him a harbinger of doom.


Jur De Jong writes:

Dear MrSkeletor,

Please stay at the BGG. We need you there. I know it's comfy at F:AT
and you may have tired from the struggle. But as you yourself have
declared, we all love the geek. It has reciprocated our love many
times. Let us, as spurned lovers, prevent her from falling prey to
those of bad character that court her. In the words of that great
musical exponent of Ameritrash:

He hurt you then, but that's all done
I guess I'm saying you're the only one
I'm waiting for the day when you can love again

You didn't think that I could sit around and let him work
You didn't think that I could sit around and let (watch) him take you
You didn't think that I could sit around and let him go
You didn't think that I could sit back and let you go


--
Jur de J


*Blinks*
Did I just have a man sing beachboys to me?
I’m off to have a show and fill out a restraining order. If you want to ask a question, make a comment or write an article about this site or just world domination in general address it to fortressat@gmail.com with [mailbag] in the header.

54 comments:

Pat H said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

5gg says that the deleted post was from "the other side".

So, Frank you gonna have Aldie delete all your content? Boy, wouldn't that be sweet irony.

Mr Skeletor said...

Pat H deleted his own comment. I did however delete your wank post, since you are such a boring little hypocrite.
You're all to happy to tell everyone to shut the fuck up and tow the line over there, but then you want to come over here and waste everyones time with your lame ass trolling and cry foul when you cop some of the medicine your only too happy to support in other places. It's not so nice when the shoe is on the other foot, is it you hypocrite?

And before you rattle on your next point, which I can see from a mile away because you are more obvious than dogs balls, I have never said I am totally against banning or deletion of rubbish content. I said I was opposed to the nonsense reasons behind such actions at BGG, and didn't think the crimes measured such an extreme response. Michael, amongst all of his antics and showmanship, contributed to the content of BGG. You on the other hand contribute sweet fuck all and your posts are simply 5 year old BORING trolling. If they were funny I would have left them up, but frankly they were embarrassing to even read, seriously you should be ashamed at your piss weak efforts.

Now, I have given you way more time than you will ever merit, but I am feeling generous and so decided to give a gutless simpleton like you some of my time. Don't think it will be happening again though. Maybe when actually buy a spine and say who you are I'll throw you another 5 minutes, but until then I'll get my jollies deleting your sniveling cowards ass like the big evil dictator I am.

TheRankO said...

Skeletor, you aren't going to get anywhere just sweet-talking these guys.

Michael Barnes said...

How could Tom Vasel be the reincarnation of evil? He speaks in RED TEXT, just like Jesus!

Unless...he's "Anonymous"...y'know, getting drunk on milk, cookies, and his sense of "fame" and "importance", trolling 'round here with his wild n' crazy brand of in-your-face humour...

Anonymous said...

You really think that there is only one person that comes here and posts anonymously?

You're farther gone than I thought.

I predict you delete all of this once you realize how delicious the #2 post is and how juvenile your response.

Mr Skeletor said...

You really think that there is only one person that comes here and posts anonymously?

Nope, several people use anonymous, either cause they are too lazy to take up an account, or are cravens like you.
I'm betting that there is only one tool doing the whole fake name thing, and that tool is you, captain maturity.

Anonymous said...

BTW -

I owe you 5GG.

Double or nothing?

Anonymous said...

We are anonymous, we are the swarm, you stand powerless before us.


Back on your knees, Skeletor.

Pat H said...

Just for the record my post said:

"Hey Stalker! S'up fool?"

But it didn't have the same ring after someone decided to get rid of your garbage.

Anonymous: What difference does it make if there are 1, 10 or 100 people that exercise more freedom of speech over her than someplace else but would rather not let anyone know who they are? As far as I'm concerned you are all the same fuckface weakling that got beat up at school and tooled in the school yard and are trying to get that frustration out using internet trolling.

At least pony up and show your face because I personally like the banter. However your most recent mimic posts are certainly even bellow your own standards as they are not clever nor amusing.

At any rate you stalking fuck it's not like no one knows who you are anyways, because you are so predictable.

Ken B. said...

Such behavior really doesn't shine a very good light on BGG.


I mean, where else would such stuff come from than BGG fanboys? I doubt sincerely the guys at ConsimWorld have decided to just randomly start posting anonymous wank material.


So honestly, it's pretty funny. A little sad, but still funny.

Anonymous said...

im preforming a valuable service: you guys need enemies. u should give me a cut off that dragon dice money

Ken B. said...

We had a great enemy, but Professor Euro seems to have dropped off the map.

I miss that guy.

Pat H said...

That's more like it. Don't hold your breath on Dragon Dice. But I will keep you in mind when we release "Cock-ass-won", I won't go into details right now but suffice to say it's right "up" your "alley".

Ken B. said...

Though Chapel is doing a good "Dr. Smith" role--sometimes good, sometimes sinister, always questioning his motives...

J de said...

Yes, I sang the Beach Boys to you. It somehow felt appropriate.

I hope it doesn't damage your male ego too much ;-)

Jur de J

MWChapel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mikal barns said...

lol i got sensored

Michael Barnes said...

At this point I just assume "Anonymous" is all of BGG, posting as one collective consciousness.

Mikal Barns, I'm guessing, is the product of some kind of mind-meld between Vasel, Schloesser, and Thornquist attempting to protect their pristine reputations while gettin' in the mud with us degenerates.

MWChapel said...

I'm an enigma wrapped in a question.

Skeletor is so fucking metal.

Though Chapel is doing a good "Dr. Smith" role--sometimes good, sometimes sinister, always questioning his motives...

http://michaelchapel.blogs.com/photos/funstuff/marathon_man6.png

StephenAvery said...

I post here anonymously but then I have a split personality...

the*mad*gamer said...

Hello!

It is very interesting to see that you guys are getting some "trouble" posts over here on Fortress Ameritrash. Most of the guys on BGG seem to be very supportive of the effort over here and are praising what you guys are doing. I have to wonder if its some guys just having fun or if it is the secret society of the "Diggers" that have decided to give you guys trouble.

TheRankO said...

Hey, Steve -- great episode this week.

the*mad*gamer said...

Thanks Paul!

Tell me do you miss posting on BGG?

Dennis Ugolini said...

At this point I just assume "Anonymous" is all of BGG, posting as one collective consciousness.

I had always assumed "Anonymous" was one of you guys, tossing out petty barbs and half-wrought ideas so that you'd always have an easy target to argue with.

TheRankO said...

Tell me do you miss posting on BGG?

Hell, no. Just about everybody with anything interesting or funny to say is over here!

(Well, not counting these anonymous / pseudonymous jokers.)

robartin said...

Dennis Ugolini. We used to game at the old SoCal Games Days out in El Monte didn't we? Welcome to "The Fortress"!

Dennis Ugolini said...

Hi Robert. I remember you from the one Mare Nostrum game with Heidi, among other things.

I am an Ameritrash game fan, and I like yours and Malloc's writing in particular. Please bear with me when I give the other "celebrities" here a hard time.

robartin said...

Ah, the good old days. Mare Nostrum still hits the table fairly regularly, especially with the expansion.

Don't pay too much mind to Barnes and Skeletor. We just keep them around for a bit of comic relief.

Michael Barnes said...

Hey, Mr. Skeletor- who's on first?

Anonymous said...

Professor Euro disappears and the*mad*gamer appears. hmmm

Ted T.

Steve Weaks said...

im ur leader lol

Mr. Fabulous said...

Only a cad that was brought up on eating caviar from Wal-Mart would post some of the ghastly comments that I have read here. Certainly it is poor form to impersonate Mr. Weeks, your spelling my dear fellow is as bad as your attitude!

Michael Barnes said...

5gg says that the deleted post was from "the other side".

Why would we delete posts from the deceased?

Tom Hazlett (Southernman) said...

Michael Barnes said...
Hey, Mr. Skeletor- who's on first?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPrm6luPmME

Anonymous said...

Why would we delete posts from the deceased?

http://www.boardgamegeek.com/thread/163145/page/2

Michael Barnes said...

What, did Matt Monin finally expire under the weight of his own hubris?

Mr Skeletor said...

It is very interesting to see that you guys are getting some "trouble" posts over here on Fortress Ameritrash. Most of the guys on BGG seem to be very supportive of the effort over here and are praising what you guys are doing. I have to wonder if its some guys just having fun or if it is the secret society of the "Diggers" that have decided to give you guys trouble.

You can tell who the different anonymous posters are due to their writing style. The retarded shit is coming from the one guy, probably the guy who was posting as BGG Bob on the BoardgameWiki. Sounds like the guy has dilutions of being Aldies Knight in White Armor or something.

simon said...

That's great you answered my questions, Skeletor.

You are a nice guy.

I might want to contribute with this "guest feature" again, so do you accept zinging Twilight Imperium reviews here, too?

Mr Skeletor said...

Yep, send 'em in.

pronobelm said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TheRankO said...

Breaking news! Skeletor writes a well-polished sentence free of curse words:

www.boardgamenews.com/index.php/boardgamenews/comments/scott_tepper_ameri_what/#c4242

(sorry. I don't know how to make a link...)

Julian said...

Theranko,

That's an interesting little thread you point out. It starts out as the ususal those AT people are bad and "Ameritrash" is a stupid word, and then civility and common sense breaks out. Hopefully its a good sign.

TheRankO said...

Thanks, Julian. Glad to help.

I think Franklin and Skeletor have a nice good cop/bad cop routine going on that thread, too, with Ken as the goodwill ambassador and Skeletor as the sarcastic, trash-talking (yet "reasoned and insightful") boogeyman some gamers seem to fear so much.

What's really ironic is that in speaking out against the term, the column is actually further legitimizing Ameritrash as conglomeration of game category, blog presence, type of gamer, etc.

But "Amerithrash"?

Please.

Julian said...

Theranko,

Skeletor is now up to two literate posts. Amazing. You're right that Franklin and Frank are doing a good cop/bad cop thing. But it does seem to me that communication is going up on that thread. I'm so used to these conversations disintegrating. I actually get a little mention in the thread. I'm the "very earnest ATer". Actually, I found Larry Levy to be a really nice guy.

I don't know why anyone bothers to denounce the term "ameritrash" anymore. It's obviosly stuck, and its stupid for people who are less interested in a genre to tell people who are really interested in it what name they should use. Plus the names perfect.

Were you the one that quit BGG over some admin email about you posting a link to here? Sorry, I'm not clear on the story, so if that's incomprehensible my apologies.

Ken B. said...

Good, bad...I'm the guy with the War Sun.

Mr Skeletor said...

I'm certain Larry is a very nice guy. I'd still ransack his palace to feed my coke addiction though.

Julian said...

You see Ken, that's why Skeletor is the bad cop. Once you start ransacking people's homes to feed your coke addiction, you can be the bad cop.

TheRankO said...

Julian -- yeah, that was me. Not much of a story, really. In jest, I posted a link to Michael's F:AT Fire & Axe review and received a suspension threat from some anonymous BGG admin -- the asshole didn't even have the nerve to put his name on the warning. So I just decided I did not want to contribute anything -- even things as minor as game ratings, photos, Top 10 lists, and session reports -- to any website run by oversensitive and/or humorless drones.

And damn, Skeletor is holding is own over at BGN -- and he's right. That columnist is criticizing the term Ameritrash from a position of authority: columnist at a major gaming website. If that ain't "old guard," I don't know what is.

Julian said...

Theranko,

Oh those wacky admins. Yeah, I quit BGG after the banning, because I saw no point in contributing either. I think for me it was the hyppocrisy more than anything. I could have lived with the stupid rules if they even handidly enforced them. But mostly it just wasn't fun.

I sort of think its weirdly worked out. BGG still exists as a database, and the level of ideas here is better than on BGG because we're not all stuck on fighting battles over whether its OK to have game genres and other nonissues. Besides everyone cool is here. (OK, I lie, grognads isn't here.)

Ken B. said...

Groggy made a cameo early on in the forums; I'm not sure if he's still reading us or not, but he's definitely been by.

Julian said...

You need to get text effects if you want him to stay. In your new website you should get smileys that only he can access.

Anonymous said...

It looks like you guys have two stories here:
http://www.boardgamenews.com/index.php/boardgamenews/comments/ryan_bretsch_the_gathering_and_the_great_ameritrash_debate/

So which side of the debate is this guy on?

Anonymous said...

oops. the rest of the link.

news/comments/ryan_bretsch_the_gathering
and_the_great_ameritrash_debate/_