Tuesday, 2 October 2007

Ameritrashers are Leaders. Eurogamers are followers.

It has been said that there are 2 types of people in this world, those who lead and those who follow. I have a different way of thinking, a slightly more cynical boolean classification for the worlds population. The two types of people in Malloc's worlds are Creeps and Assholes.

So I was having a conversation with a friend the other day and we got onto the topic of gamer types. Why does this guy like Eurogames, why dose that guy like Ameritrash. It was clear that there were distinct personality types that favored each style of game. Eruogames with their passive aggressive nature, clearly defined mechanics and relatively short playtimes attracted one set or personalities. While AT titles with their in your face, heavily theme influenced rules and relatively long length appealed to others.

Now, I am sure my sample would not satisfy even the loosest of scientific standards, but I tended to notice that the people I would consider to be creeps, you know the kind of fella who is usually quiet, sometimes complains and gets his way through manipulation tended to favor eurogames. On the other hand those who I consider to be Assholes, brass individuals who never stay quiet when the opportunity to offer an opinion is concerned and tend to get their way via direct confrontation, these folks love a good AT game.

Now I am not condemning or condoning being either a creep or an asshole, remember we are all one or the other. (often this changes in different situations) I just wanted to get an idea of what you all consider yourselves when you are gaming. For the record, it should be obvious that I consider myself a total asshole.

-M

117 comments:

Rliyen said...

Rather be an asshole than a creep. With an asshole, you know where they're coming from. With a creep, you have to constantly look in the rearview mirror for the stiletto making a beeline for your back.

I'll take loud and brash over "That's not the done thing!" any day.

Ken B. said...

I don't know, man...I've seen some creepy unwashed types that are totally into Ameritrash stuff. And Chapel is a self-professed "asshole", but totally a Euro man. (Still love ya, Chappy).

Shellhead said...

AmeriTrashers strike me as more extroverted than EuroGamers. Because AmeriTrash games generally allow you to strike directly against your opponents while Euros don't, AmeriTrash players tend to intereact more directly with their fellow players during the game. More negotiations, threats, trash talk, fingerpointing, paybacks, and complaints. EuroGamers are too busy doing silent math to bother much with interaction.

ratpfink said...

Not only will I happily crush you in a Euro, I will also whine like a little girl when I get picked on in an Ameritrash game. Then I will crush you. Revenge is definitely a dish best served pipin' hot. I'm a creep and an asshole!!!

StephenAvery said...

Yep...I'm definately an asshole.

Steve"asshole"Avery

StephenAvery said...

And ATer's still have to look for the stillettos. You just have to look while watching the BFGs in your face.

MWChapel said...

Ameritrash types are people who haven't come to terms with their childhood. People who were underachievers, awkward in social situations, probably picked on at some point, and have boxed themselves away into escapist fantasy world where they are the strong and victorious type. Usually by trying to stomp the proverbial shit out of their past bullies. Giving them a sense of control in a world that has given them none.

Eurotypes, are grown-ups who stopped playing with their escapist toys long, yet still like to flex their mental muscles in an competitive way. People who like to socialize themselves with other grown-ups who have also come to terms with their childhood, and are able to interact on the same social level.

So all I can say is "put down that plastic dwarf with the battleaxe! Billy from 5th grade is no longer trying to take you lunch money away!" and join the real world....


//asshole extraordinaire.

Malloc said...

strangely this quote popped up for me on igoogle today.


There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.


-M

Malloc said...


Ameritrash types are people who haven't come to terms with their childhood. People who were underachievers, awkward in social situations, probably picked on at some point, and have boxed themselves away into escapist fantasy world where they are the strong and victorious type. Usually by trying to stomp the proverbial shit out of their past bullies. Giving them a sense of control in a world that has given them none.


= ASSHOLES

Eurotypes, are grown-ups who stopped playing with their escapist toys long, yet still like to flex their mental muscles in an competitive way. People who like to socialize themselves with other grown-ups who have also come to terms with their childhood, and are able to interact on the same social level.

= CREEPS

Thing about the eurosnoots is that they think they have outgrown the toys, yet they still play games with pretty color cubes.

AT'er accept their inner child they embrace it, Eurosnoots pretend that they are above this, when it is clear to all but them that they are not.

Don't worry Chapel, I still think your and asshole. I say this because I know you would be fun to play AT games with, even is you like hanging out with the creeps.

-M

Ken B. said...

Or...


Eurogamers are the self-concious clenched-asshole types who are terrified to let their inner child show through, if even for one moment, lest they be forced to mentally revisit a childhood marred by swirlies and teabags.


Aye, sire! Asshole deflectors shields ON, captain!

ubarose said...

MWChapel said...
Ameritrash types are people who haven't come to terms with their childhood.


Ameritrash types are people who loved their childhood, and are still able to take childlike delight in their adult lives. They are playful. They still remember how to jump on the bed and crow.

Eurotypes, are grown-ups who stopped playing with their escapist toys long, yet still like to flex their mental muscles in an competitive way.

Eurotypes are wounded nerds who are still seeking external validation from "teacher" that they are the smartest in the class.

Fellonmyhead said...

The more I read this, the more I realise how blinkered you lot really are. I'd bet one of my Euro sessions has more trash-talk, back-stabbing, threats and negotiations than one of your AT sessions.

Just 'cause you lot have a problem with the Euro-esque design style don't start rewriting psychology to suit your illogical conclusions. Isn't it about time you lot moved away from the "us-and-them" mentality? It's a stance you just can't take considering the constantly changing face of the hobby.

MWChapel said...

ubarose said...

I know you are but what am I?


Bravo!

ubarose said...

MWChapel said...
ubarose said...

I know you are but what am I?

Bravo!


Your sticky glue and I'm hard rubber. What ever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.

Ken B. said...

Fellonmyhead--I can prove that the diminishing amount of pirates in the world is leading to global warming. Feel free to ask.

ubarose said...

Fellonmyhead said...
Isn't it about time you lot moved away from the "us-and-them" mentality?


Psst. We are just playing with Chapel. You want to play? The object of the game is to get someone to tell us how big thier dick is.

Ken B. said...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~!


ANOTHER SAUSAGEFEST!



This blog has Freud issues.


"Ya, I keep dreaming of zis giant polish sausage. That, and German schoolboys."

Thaadd said...

Just sitting here and laughing quietly.

There is such a thing as overthinking a label.

MWChapel said...

Everything in life is an US vs. Them mentality. That is a human survival trait. This whole harmonious living thing is for the Dodo Bird, you know the loser species that is now extinct.

Shellhead said...

Fellonmyhead said: The more I read this, the more I realise how blinkered you lot really are. I'd bet one of my Euro sessions has more trash-talk, back-stabbing, threats and negotiations than one of your AT sessions.

Maybe your group is extremely special. Don't know, cause I haven't played games with them. But I have played EuroGames with three different local groups, on multiple occasions, before I finally gave up on Euro games as dull.

Each of these three groups shared certain traits:

* introverted players
* all players over the age of 30. Yes, that includes me.
* quiet gameplay. Conversation was strictly limited to the game, and was still pretty minimal. Things would get mildly exciting if one player asked another player "why did you do that?"
* lengthy post-game deconstruction and analysis.
* at least one player with analysis paralysis, who was constantly hassled by the other players, who were in a rush to finish and move on to the next game.

Your group is apparently very different. How do they do all the math and planning each turn and then still have time to engage in all that tabletalk?

Michael Barnes said...

Alright, I got your Eurogamer right here...the other night at our game group, Robert "Howard Hughes" Martin, Billy Motion, Steve "Tank Top" Avery, myself, and Nurse Butcher RN were playing LAST NIGHT ON EARTH. This new guy at the game group- clearly dressed as a Eurogamer- comes up and condescendingly sniffs "Is this _supposed_ to look like CLUE?" Then he proceeded to linger around and watch people play PORTOBELLO MARKET or something like that.

It's just simple facts, but it's more than a simple leader/follower dynamic...Eurogamers are much more likely to:

- Offer helpfully pedantic corrections on a wide variety of topics
- Publically announce 3/4 of the way through a game what they plan on rating it on BGG
- "Have fun" by sitting quietly at a social event such as a board game meetup
- Wear hawaiian shirts, fanny packs, sandals, or any combination thereof
- Have gotten their ass kicked in middle school for being a total nerdlinger
- Offer helpful suggestions about what your next three or four moves should be, complete with demonstrations and lots of pointing
- Snort while talking

Oh, I could go on and on...but the real difference is that we're awesome and they aren't.

Ken B. said...

I'd have said, "Yeah, man, JUST like Clue" then punched him in the coin purse.

ubarose said...

Ken B. said...
I'd have said, "Yeah, man, JUST like Clue" then punched him in the coin purse.


Ken, you are such and asshole.

Ken B. said...

You say the sweetest things, Uba.

Michael Barnes said...

Are you kidding? I'm not about to put my hands anywhere near the groin of a Eurogamer! I used a lead pipe in the arboretum.

Juniper said...

This was both the least entertaining and least informative article that has ever been posted on this site. You guys are running out of time to post that hilarious spoof of an Essen preview that you've been working on since July.

My feeling at this time is that I am unlikely to continue paying for Premium Membership to this blog.

Michael Barnes said...

Oh shit...I forgot about Essen...hang on, let me slap together a preview...

Jack Hill said...

So....If I'm a Eurogamer and an Ameritrasher, does that mean I follow my own lead?

Or that I lead by following others?

Or that I need more vodka margaritas? Anyone know a good, inexpensive potato vodka. I've discovered that it is so much tastier than that grain crap.

Michael Barnes said...

OK, I'm back.

Boy howdy! Another Essen is upon us! There's nothing like a little game tourism to liven up the fall, huh? So for all you premium members (like Juniper), here's a quick rundown of the HOTTEST Essen releases!

- TICKET TO RIDE: AUSCHWITZ
- CAYLUS- EXTREME MAKEOVER EDITION (featuring Ty Pennington as "The Master Builder)
- EL GRANDE: TRANSFORMERS MOVIE EDITION
- VIZIO FLOWCHART (Alea game #14)
- HOGGEN UND FLOGGEN: Ships n' Shit expansion
- BATTLELORE: THE MMORPG
- PROSPECTOR'S CHOICE- new game from Vlaada Chvatli, designer of THROUGH THE AGES with mechanics derived from EBAY TALKING AUCTION GAME
- Limited Edition AGE OF STEAM expansion "CLEARCLAW'S BACHELOR PAD"
- CA$H & FUN- rethemed/redeveloped edition of CA$H & GUNS for Eurogamers featuring a more "fair" distrubtion system for the money
- SLAVE AUCTION- the new "historical" game from Martin Wallace/Warfrog

And so on. Hey, TALISMAN comes out friday all you non-discerning gamers!

Michael Barnes said...

Leave it to Jack to return the discussion to more significant matters. Well played, sir.

andy said...

My game group mostly plays Euros and there is some great trash talking. I am also the only one there who doesn't over-analyse every move but that is by the by. One of the players has the nickname "Cheating Cunt" and he doesn't even cheat, he just miscounted one time (note that in the UK the C word is fair game in the swearing stakes). I have played a few shitty Euro games (and many good ones) but I'd rather play Euros than nothing at all and there is definitely some cross over into the AT world with the mouthier players. Just so long as they never, ever, make me play Kogge again, I'll be happy.

Juniper said...

F:A Essen Spotlight #1

Age of Steam: eighth edition
Publisher: Winsome Games
Players: 2-5
Ages: 12 and up
Designers: Martin Wallace and John Bohrer
Description: players perform rote arithmetic for three hours and occasionally place hexagons on the board to describe railroad networks that could not possibly make economic sense in the real world. Rules for transporting "goods" on other players' rails constitute a vague promise of fun gameplay, but are rarely beneficial in practice, and are seldom used. A non-functional income-reduction scheme guarantees that the first turn is the only one that determines the game's outcome, so that the obsessive-compulsive who paid for the game will dominate over his pathetic friends who were just taught the rules ten minutes ago.
*Special Note: this game may not be available at Essen, pending a court injunction.*

Jack Hill said...

Although the irony is that two of the games that has a lot of the Euro folks drooling over are Galaxy Trucker and Agricola.

They are kind of these weird hybridy Ameritrash games. The only thing they are missing is direct confrontation. But they do have psychotic amounts of randomness, so you are kind of playing against an uncaring and cruel universe.

I'm into Tales of the Arabian Nights, Return of the Heroes, and Prophecy--so this doesn't bother me much.

I do wonder how long it will take for the dyed in the wool Eurogamers to realize that everybody else has moved on.

Juniper said...

F:At Essen Spotlight #2

BattleLore: special wooden display rack
Publisher: Days of Wonder
Description: Display your gray plastic figurines on this custom-designed cherry wood curio rack alongside your grandmother's collectable spoons and thimbles. Includes special, limited-edition Conspicuous Consumption Elemental and related terrain tile.

Juniper said...

F:A Essen Spotlight #3

Age of Steam: special ninth edition
Publisher: Warfrog Games
Players: 2-5
Ages: 12 and up
Designers: Martin Wallace and John Bohrer
Description: The fans spoke, and Warfrog listened. Recognizing the accolades received by the unthematic and tediously overlong Age of Steam: Second Edition, this special Ninth Edition continues to combine the athematic game play of the Eurogame genre with the excessive length and gratuitous book-keeping and complexity of classical American hobby boardgames.

Unique to this edition is a double-sided board that allows players to construct their railways on the head of a pin or on Martin Wallace's left ass-cheek

*Special Note: this game may not be available at Essen, pending a court injunction.*

Rliyen said...

Unique to this edition is a double-sided board that allows players to construct their railways on the head of a pin or on Martin Wallace's left ass-cheek

Thanks for that. Now, I have people looking at me strangely at work for the sudden outburst of laughter.

Juniper said...

F:At Essen Spotlight #4

Money-lenders of the Renaissance
Publisher: Hans-im-Scheisse
Players: 3-5
Ages: 10 and up
Designer: Ludwig von Beeblebrooke
Description: Finance the growth of the great European empires through several generations! Features a unique mechanism in which a round of auctions is followed by a round of pogroms or forced conversions. Collect Victory Points to win!

Juniper said...

F:At Essen Spotlight #5

Klondike!
Publisher: Ravensburger/Alea
Players: 1-5
Ages: 10 and up
Designer: Sol Itaire
Game Materials: five individual player boards, 260 playing cards (divided into five identical decks), five wooden "start-spieler" tokens, rules.
Description: each player receives his own player board and a deck of 52 stunningly-illustrated cards. Red cards may only be played on black, and black only on red! Players manipulate their cards in the hopes of creating four stacks -- one for each suit -- in which their cards are sorted in ascending numerical order. Which player can "climb the mountain" first?

Juniper said...

F:At Essen Spotlight #6

Travel Travel Carcassonne
Publisher: Hans-im-Glueck
Players: 2-5
Ages: 10 and up
Designer: Klaus-Juergen Werde
Description: This special, portable version of the popular game "Travel Carcassonne" is 7% smaller than its predecessor, and nearly 15% smaller than the original Carcassonne! Suitable for family weekends spent locked in the trunk of a car, or buried deep underground in a Tide of Iron box.

Juniper said...

F:At Essen Spotlight #7

Some Fucking Game from the Czech Republic
Players: 3-7
Ages: 12 and up
Description: Take a classic Francis Tresham design and dress it up so that the IGA jurors forget that it's old and that it originated in the English-speaking world. Instant BGG.com favorite!

Jack Hill said...

Juniper:

So how many times have you actually played Through the Ages. And how many times have you played Advanced Civ.

I'm four times on TTA, and about 20 games of Advanced Civ. They are nothing alike.

I call foul and demand satisfaction on the field of Verticon.

Juniper said...

F:At Essen Spotlight #7

Gamer Blog Pissing Match
Players: 1
Ages: 12 and up
Designer: Jack Hill
Description: Receive one VP for each game of Through the Ages that you have played, and two VPs for each game of Advanced Civilization. The designer is accepting preorders for this game, but all copies must be collected in person at his booth in Essen.

ubarose said...

I think that this now the the MOST entertaining and least informative article that has ever been posted on this site.

Thank you Juniper.

mtlawson said...

::shrug::

I suppose that depending on who you ask, I'm an asshole or a creep. Being an asshole is pretty much part of my job description, since my job is IT security. However, I prefer to work in the background as much as possible, since in my job if you get noticed a lot, it's usually for the wrong thing (like a major screwup), so I have a bit of creep in me too.

Just goes to show that since I like all three major branches of games (AT, wargames and Euros) that I just fit right in.

--Mike L.

neonpeon said...

I have a creepy asshole.

Malloc said...


::shrug::

I suppose that depending on who you ask, I'm an asshole or a creep. Being an asshole is pretty much part of my job description, since my job is IT security. However, I prefer to work in the background as much as possible, since in my job if you get noticed a lot, it's usually for the wrong thing (like a major screwup), so I have a bit of creep in me too.

Just goes to show that since I like all three major branches of games (AT, wargames and Euros) that I just fit right in.

--Mike L.


It security guys are Creeps... I think yo even have to prove creepiness to get a CCSP.

Its us networking guys who are the real assholes. Nothing like rate limiting that little shit from accounting who complains about slow performance and is sitting around listening to internet radio all day :)

-M

mtlawson said...

Oh, I don't disagree about networking people being assholes; back when I was just a sysadmin the biggest assholes we had to work with were the networking gang.

However, the reason why I'm an asshole is because I'm the guy that gets sent into a meeting to explain in plain English why doing what someone wants us to do is the classic "bad idea". My job is to give the unvarnished truth about things, and I sure don't sugarcoat them.

However, if you think IT security can be creepy, remember we have to deal with the auditors on a regular basis.

--Mike L.

Michael Barnes said...

Wasn't there a reprint of JUDEN RAUS announced for this year's Essen? Surely it's not that MONEYLENDERS OF THE RENAISSANCE Juniper reported...

I'm sorry, but I just can't believe people in the US spend $1500-$2000 to go to Essen unless they're involved on a business level or plan to visit the show as part of a larger trip...now, I totally understand paying that much to go visit a country, take in the culture, see historic/significant sights, enjoy the cuisine...but to go sit around a glorified gaming convention? Sorry, I just don't get it. I love reading those Essen reports- "Oh, for one day we went out and saw the city and ate at a sauerkraut cart." Seriously, I love gaming- believe me, I love board games with all my heart but I can't fathom why someone would go to another country- nay, another continent- and spend the whole time in a convention hall looking at fucking board games and getting tickled pink that they found a German copy of MONTGOLFIERE for five euros. And then hemming and hawing about what fits in the luggage. I guess it's just another stupid ass component of this "board game culture" that The Leading Board Game Site and the internet has fostered.

Waitaminute- AoS eighth and ninth editions are releasing at Essen? I'm so there...

Siow Hwee said...

It is just a matter of opinion. But I am inclined to think that the excellent way you organise your games and hobbies in your lair is closer to creepy than asshole.

Insignificant member of your audience said...

Juniper:

Some Fucking Game from the Czech Republic
Players: 3-7
Ages: 12 and up

Keep the Czech Republic out of it, asshole. Nobody's forcing you to play TtA.

Fellonmyhead said...

ken b:

Fellonmyhead--I can prove that the diminishing amount of pirates in the world is leading to global warming. Feel free to ask.

Intelligent design theory from a FATtie? You should be drummed out of your niche group.

Fellonmyhead said...

ubarose:

The object of the game is to get someone to tell us how big thier dick is.

Not fair - everybody knows you have the biggest dick, ubarose.

Juniper said...

Keep the Czech Republic out of it, asshole.

F:A Essen Spotlight #8

Czech Czech Hundekacke
Publisher: Zoch Verlag
Players: 2-5
Ages: 6 and up

A thrilling memory game for children! Colorful wooden boots represent tourists to Prague. Attract tourists to your cafe, but avoid the boots with dogshit markers on their bases!

Michael Barnes said...

Keep the Czech Republic out of it, asshole. Nobody's forcing you to play TtA.

How do you know? Juniper might be one of the survivors of those notorious Czech forced playtesting camps...there's a reason TtA plays so well, you know...

StephenAvery said...

I'd bet one of my Euro sessions has more trash-talk, back-stabbing, threats and negotiations than one of your AT sessions.

Not even on your best day, but I reserve my trashtalking and threats for friends and have no time for eurosnoots...

Jack Hill said...

Title: Czech-ers
Author: Reiner Knizia
Description: Climb your way up from the ranks of mere mortals to become king on the field of battle during the 30 years war. Corner your opponent and leap over them to victory in Reiner's most heavily themed game ever.

Michael Barnes said...

C'mon Jack...there's gotta be some colored, numbered cards in their somewhere...and how about a goofy, nonsensical scoring mechanism?

Personally, I'm waiting for MICROPHONE CZECH for the Wii...it's a music game that comes with a Wii-mote microphone from Czech design house Dirt Floor Shack. I heard it's going to feature actual tracks from Czech hip hop wunderkind Kool Sergei Y. and a new cut from the L'il Slav.

Fellonmyhead said...

stephenavery:

Not even on your best day, but I reserve my trashtalking and threats for friends and have no time for eurosnoots...

Weak - even those who aren't my friends get my threats. Talk down to me or label me again and I'll come over there and force-feed you your copy of your 9-out-of-10-rated Euro, Hart an der Grenze.

Ken B. said...

I could've sworn that Sausagefest games would be debuting Dong Patrol at this year's Essen. With colored cubes for penii.

J de said...

F:A Essen Spotlight #10

Szcnor
Publisher: Szapristi Games
Designer: Jan Slavrednek
Players: 2-8
Ages: 6 and up

A fun game recreating the famous moustaches of Czech women. A subtile bidding system allows you to collect sufficient hairs to create a bristling lip whisker. But can you avoid the Shave?

Special Essen offer: heavily perfumed Puszi expansion!

Juniper said...

I'll come over there and force-feed you your copy of your 9-out-of-10-rated Euro, Hart an der Grenze.

Ouch. Those metal geometry set boxes won't be easy to digest. There's passing math, and then there's passing math.

StephenAvery said...

weak..

zzzzzzzzzz. I must be really bored to even reply to you. Oh well, another 10 seconds shaved off the timeclock...

ubarose said...

Ken B. said...
I could've sworn that Sausagefest games would be debuting Dong Patrol at this year's Essen. With colored cubes for penii.


This one is on my watch list.
I heard they were going to use the Torres knight type bits, but too many gamers complained that the sausages were too difficult to handle and kept rolling off the board. So they replaced them with cubes.

Ken B. said...

"the sausages were too difficult to handle"


This stuff just writes itself. This sounds like a promo for a bad porno.

Michael Barnes said...

Wow, there's some kind of hidden profundity there...

1 . Fat Eurogamers have sausage-like fingers.
2. They have a hard time holding sausage-like pieces with sausage-like fingers.
3. God is a Czechoslavakian octopus.

J De- you forgot to point out that visitors to the Szapristi Games booth at Essen will recieve a special promotional card featuring the fabled "Bear Lady of Prague", Erszebet Torniczskovya, whose moustache was rumoured to have been used to make the brush that Hitler combed his hair with.

Tom Hazlett (Southernman) said...

Fellonmyhead said...
... I'd bet one of my Euro sessions has more trash-talk, back-stabbing, threats and negotiations than one of your AT sessions.


Sorry Tony .... I pissed myself when I read this .... I'm still trying to imagine it
:-))

Ken B. said...

"I BID THREE MOTHERF!#KER!!!"


"Eat shit, man! I'm taking Builder RIGHT NOW!"


"I'm callin' Ra, so DINE ON IT~!"


"I'm shippin' some corn, asshole!"

J de said...

visitors to the Szapristi Games booth at Essen will recieve a special promotional card featuring the fabled "Bear Lady of Prague"

My goodness, I just hope I get there in time. There are bound to be ques, like last year, when they gave away the washable latex provost suits for Caylus.

Also: watch out for Caylito, the new expansion, building the new presidential palace for San Cocachamba.

Juniper said...

F:At Essen Spotlight #11

Hey! That's my Hannibal Reprint!
Players: 750
Ages: 12 and up
Description: A revolutionary deduction game! A simultaneous inaction mechanism allows 750 players to wonder when the hell their preorder will finally ship.

Michael Barnes said...

Nah, that one is vaporware...

Anonymous said...

"A fun game recreating the famous moustaches of Czech women."

The person who wrote this above is an absolute moron: ever heard of Veronika Kurkova or Petra

insignificant member of your audience said...

J de řekl(a)...
F:A Essen Spotlight #10

"A fun game recreating the famous moustaches of Czech women."

You're talking out of your ass: Veronika Kurkova and Petra Nemcova should paddle-wack you over their knees for such ill-considered remarks. Famous moustaches? maybe the grannies, otherwise, I don't know what you're talking about.

The Czech dog bootshit game idea is very funny but the German title is so pre-World War I.

And yes, I spent two years brainwashed and broken, picking up my teeth off a shit-stained concrete floor of a TtA torture camp. The last thing I thought when one of those glass beads entered the back of my head was "I love TtA".

J de said...

Breaking News!!! Stop press!!! Just in!!!

Essen spotlight #12

Padli Wachi
Publisher: Szapristi Games
Designer: Jan Moronek
Players: 2
Ages: 16 and up

The game of firm and fair punishment. Step in the high heeled shoes of Veronika Kurkova and Petra Nemcova and let the hand of justice come down on deserving asses. A passive-aggressive favorite!

Fellonmyhead said...

Tom "I left a game of TI3 early so I could get my beauty sleep" Hazlett:

"Sorry Tony .... I pissed myself when I read this .... I'm still trying to imagine it
:-))"


That's kind of the point; all you FATties come along here trying to paint a picture of in-your-face gameplay when we all know it's really a case of:

"I'm invading Belorussia. Those fairy cakes are gorgeous, Cedric; could you pass one so I can dunk it in my cocoa?"

"I'm sorry Hilary old chap, I'm afraid I'm going to have to use my laser satellite against your hovertanks in Texas."

"I say Squiffy, do you mind passing the dice while I slaughter your goblin hordes? Pimms anyone?"

Which kind of puts our primary hostess swearing like a docker over a game of Goa in perspective really.

insignificant said...

J de wrote:

Essen spotlight #12

Padli Wachi
Publisher: Szapristi Games
Designer: Jan Moronek
Players: 2
Ages: 16 and up

You win, it's too tough to match such wit. Jan Moronek. Priceless. Keep it up. Hey, do you write for the Simpsons?

J de said...

Of course I win. You call me a moron, I waste your precious time. The issue was never in doubt.

insignifcant said...

I didn't call you a moron, I said you were talking out of your ass. Which you are. It's clear for you the Czech Republic is a "farway country of which you know little". That's all I'm gonna say.

Michael Barnes said...

Why are we talking about Petra? Nobody here listens to christian rock! Whaddya think this is, The Dice Tower?

J de said...

The fact that this message:

"A fun game recreating the famous moustaches of Czech women."

The person who wrote this above is an absolute moron: ever heard of Veronika Kurkova or Petra
,

posted 03 October 2007 23:26, under the anonymous guise, was immediately (ie the same minute) followed by your post, with similar content, led me to assume that both post were made by the same person.

If you were not the author of this post, calling me a moron, and if the striking similarities between the two posts are purely coincidental, I will happily apologise for the misunderstanding. The author of Padli Wachi will then be Jan Assholek.

In fact I was in the Czech Republic only last week, admiring the beautiful capital and especially the Obecni Dum and Mucha museum.

I also enjoyed the army museum which, regretably, has few English language subtitles. So I'm still in the dark on the Heydrich assassination and the battles of the various Czech legions on all sides in both world wars.

Having met some nice inhabitants of Prague, a return in the near future seems likely, if only for the fine beers.

But since it is much more fun to join in the chorus of people making derisory remarks on the CR and its populace, I chose to hide my regard for the achievements of Czech people for the sake of humor (whether it is appreciated as such or not).

You rising indignantly to the occassion was an unexpected boon to my spurious and not very serious stereotyping of Czech women.

Appearances may deceive, so I may not be as ignorant of the CR as you think.

I quietely assume that you are either a Czech, or the descendant of Czechs, but have refrained from making remarks about the Slavic propensity to whine about past grievances and how everybody is against them, or how your behaviour neatly answers the mystery why Czechs let themselves be pushed around by the Austrians for so long when nobody else was taking them seriously any longer.

These remarks, although perhaps funny, might be based on an erroneous assumption and therefore lose much of their impact.

What better illustration of the futility, dangers and childishness of the amateur psychology (read: gross and unfounded stereotyping) in the Original Post!

Michael Barnes said...

Eh, back to the Czech jokes, J De...

J de said...

yes, sorry. kinda lost myself there a bit. Much better now, thank you.

insignificant said...

boy, you told me. nobody knows prague like j de

Tom Hazlett (Southernman) said...

Fellonmyhead said...
Which kind of puts our primary hostess swearing like a docker over a game of Goa in perspective really.


Tony - I swear more in half a day at my desk in the office than I've heard in all our Tues/Fri sessions in the last 5 years, I bite my tongue every evening to protect gentler ears and my reputation :-)o)

FATties - Tony is pulling your legs a bit as, apart from himself (ex-squaddie), the rest of our group is quiet-ish middle England.

Tom 'I have a life outside spending-all-afternoon-and most-of-the-night-playing-one-boardgame' Asshole Hazlett ... ;-p

Michael Barnes said...

Wow, nice whistleblowing, Tom.

Folks, this thread- this one right here- is Ameritrash at its finest.

Tom Hazlett (Southernman) said...

You'd all like Tony face to face.

J de said...

boy, you told me. nobody knows prague like j de

It's hard to tell, really, but it actually sounds like you're saying "okay, I did call you a moron and I misjudged you on the other point, but I'm not going to admit it"

Fine by me.

Mr Skeletor said...


I'm sorry, but I just can't believe people in the US spend $1500-$2000 to go to Essen unless they're involved on a business level or plan to visit the show as part of a larger trip...now, I totally understand paying that much to go visit a country, take in the culture, see historic/significant sights, enjoy the cuisine...but to go sit around a glorified gaming convention? Sorry, I just don't get it. I love reading those Essen reports- "Oh, for one day we went out and saw the city and ate at a sauerkraut cart." Seriously, I love gaming- believe me, I love board games with all my heart but I can't fathom why someone would go to another country- nay, another continent- and spend the whole time in a convention hall looking at fucking board games and getting tickled pink that they found a German copy of MONTGOLFIERE for five euros. And then hemming and hawing about what fits in the luggage. I guess it's just another stupid ass component of this "board game culture" that The Leading Board Game Site and the internet has fostered


So I should cancel my ticket to trashfest 08 then?

Zapperio said...

Not to throw a wrench into anything constructive here but I'm definitely a Creep when I'm playing a Euro and a total Asshole when experiencing an Ameritrash.

I'm probably just an abberation.

Juniper said...

On the topic of aberrations:
Ameritrash
Euro

Friendless said...

I don't mind being called a creep but I don't think I'm a follower. While you're rolling dice, being brash, and leading, I'm doing your wife in the other room. Lead that, asshole :-).

I prefer to think of it as Ameritrashers want to be leaders, Eurogamers don't care whether any follows them or not.

insignificant said...

j de

The moron comment was a mistake - I admit it and for that I apologise: even as I reconsidered it, I hit the fucking wrong button and it got onto the the page by accident. The comment meant to make it on the screen was the second one - the paddling by Nemcova which, you know, was _also_ meant to be funny.

andy said...

can someone please photoshop the box from hamburgum?

http://www.boardgamenews.com/gamepreviews/hamburgum/large/hamburgum.jpg

andy said...

crap, the link broke.

here you go

isn't this amazing?

J de said...

The moron comment was a mistake - I admit it and for that I apologise: even as I reconsidered it, I hit the fucking wrong button and it got onto the the page by accident. The comment meant to make it on the screen was the second one - the paddling by Nemcova which, you know, was _also_ meant to be funny.

To be honest, I have no problems being called a moron here. So apologies accepted etc.

Well, I suppose that means we're hubbies again. Damn unameritrash, but there you go.

Ken B. said...

But John, then everyone will follow you to that Quechep.com site.


(sorry, inside joke)

neonpeon said...

"can someone please photoshop the box from hamburgum?"

LOL that one almost writes itself. (I literally LOL'd at work, too.)

neonpeon said...

I'll take a crack at that photoshop...That distinguished-looking gentleman is just begging to be dressed up as the Hamburglar.

insignificant said...

“Damn unameritrash, but there you go.”

True, true, but your comments were fun… for me to poop on!

But seriously, what is this site if not an Ameritrash love-fest, huh?

Michael Barnes said...

So I should cancel my ticket to trashfest 08 then?

No. Hanging out with me, Robert Martin, Will Kenyon, Billy Motion, Tanktop Avery, Jack Hill, the "Rock n' Roll Family", The Big Red Jew,and the rest of our crew will blow your fucking mind on a level that being the first to get a copy of HAMBURGUM could never reach.

Please tell me that box is a homemade prototype...if I were a printing house, I'd send that shit back with a memo "please finish your art before submitting it to us". I can't believe someone has seen that and thinks it's acceptable acceptable.

neonpeon said...

Looks about as good as the Caylus first edition box art...much funnier though.

insignificant said...

Quote from BGN on the Hamburglar:

"After all, to win this game you need prestige points, and to earn prestige you must donate to the building of Hamburg’s six churches."

God, this has me drooling already!!!!

Malloc said...


Please tell me that box is a homemade prototype..


I thought it was a cover to a Weird Al album.


-M

Michael Barnes said...

I thought this description of the new Reiner Knizia game HANDELSFURSTEN was rather scintillating:

The game is set in the 16th century when big merchants ships ruled the sea. Each player has at least two ships which he or she can load with 1 of 5 cargo cubes of his choice. If the right goods are traded, the player can score even when it is not his or her turn.

Scoring when it's not your turn? GET OUTTA HERE! That's crazy! Everything's topsy turvy now, up is down and down is up!

It's funny reading the descriptions of these themeless Euros...it's as if they were advertising porn with "Features people fucking".

insignificant said...

Funnily enough, porn sometimes has theme "tacked on" too.

insignificant said...

... but I'd probably rather watch porn than play Hamburglar.

Michael Barnes said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Europides said...

Back off Harburgum - you don't know what the f*** you're talking about.

(thunder)

Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets.

neonpeon said...

Why can't they make a cube trading game set in the 21st century - not enough bushy mustaches?

Ken B. said...

No one can touch the awesomeness of the mustache on the dude from San Juan.

That's why they had to use Euro rather than AT-style play--if the game was themed about having to destroy that mustache, all the players would lose. Every game.

Shryke said...

/prostrates self before mustache

Spare me, oh great mustache. We are not worthy to have you grace our upper lips with your presence.

Tom Hazlett (Southernman) said...

Is that the EuroOverlord quoting The Clash at us ?!!!

That is the last fucking straw - screw this thunder crap, that is sacrilege and I will spend my last breathe tracking his cube-counting ass down and feed his fucking head to the ground until we get some real thunder and earth tremors.

Not a fucking happy asshole.

gudo13 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
gudo13 said...

* insert "mustache ride" joke here

Michael Barnes said...

Is that the EuroOverlord quoting The Clash at us ?!!!

No. He's quoting TAXI DRIVER, which is where The Clash got the sample from. It looks like he's going to try to stay a comeback as some kind of hard-ass vigilante with a mohawk. Yet he bleeps out "fuck".

Tom Hazlett (Southernman) said...

I'm a bit of a movie heathen :-|
.... still - give him a good kicking anyway.

Rliyen said...

I'm a bit of a movie heathen :-|
.... still - give him a good kicking anyway.


Right up there with you. After you "impress" him with the boot to the head. I'll "impress" him with a Shuriken Pistol in the ass.

Seriously, the (thyndar!) is getting old. Very old, like should be put into the cliche retirement community old.

Bateman said...

* introverted players
* all players over the age of 30. Yes, that includes me.
* quiet gameplay. Conversation was strictly limited to the game, and was still pretty minimal. Things would get mildly exciting if one player asked another player "why did you do that?"
* lengthy post-game deconstruction and analysis.
* at least one player with analysis paralysis, who was constantly hassled by the other players, who were in a rush to finish and move on to the next game.


That is exactly my gamegroup. That and some guy in his late 30s, who always whines: "I don't know what I should do, there are so many possibilities, I can't win this game."

Shoot me, I'm in the motherland of Eurogames, the Mordor of Eurogames.
There are no other groups around here.