Monday, 23 July 2007

Home Sweet Home

After a week on the road paying my dues to corporate America, I am back at home and falling back into my normal caffeine laden routine. For those who don't know, last week I have a uniquely coincidental business trip to the home town of of F:AT bloggers Michael Barnes and Robert Martin. This type of universal alignment only occurs once every 100,000 years and usually requires the sacrifice of many small mammals. So for me to pass up a chance to play games with some of my F:AT buddies would be about as smart as opening a second front in a European war. I quickly made sure that there would be no after work activities on Thursday night, for those of you who do not travel for work, dinner and drinks on the company dime are so much the norm that the after hours schedule is usually much more thoroughly booked than the 9-5 shift. I fortunately was working with a guy who's wife had just had surgery and so it was easy to duck out of dinner on both Tuesday and Thursday.

Tuesday night was spent playing a game of Twilight Imperium III with a group of totally die hard fans of the game. (for the record, I was crushed) This was nice since usually I am the only one I my game group who know the rules, and the normal conversation about how someone was planning for hours to make an illegal move and so the game sucks due to their inability to execute said illegality was avoided. Anyway a solid night of gaming early in the week had me fired up for the Thursday night session, and it was great to meet some of the folks playing in one of my online games on the TI3wiki site.

I arrive on early on Thursday, Traffic in Atlanta is a mysterious animal so I left really early. Barnes showed up first and immediately broke out a copy of Space Crusade. A Milton Bradly game from about 1990 that licensed Games Workshop's 40k universe. Think a really really simple version of Space Hulk. I am a total sucker for GW so I was in. Barnes played the bad guys (In this game all the GW baddies, Chaos, Necrons and Orks, are working against the marines) I was the Blood Angles, and there were 2 other players controlling the Ultra-pussies and the Imperial Fags chapters. Barnes played the game well and his baddies had the advantage from the start. It didn't help that both the Ultra Marine and Imperial Fist Commanders forget to remove their skirts and left their balls home with their wives. (I have never seen a Space Marine, bread from a young age to be a killer, trained for decades to fight the enemies of the God Emperor, suited in the best fighting armor imaginable, hide, I repeat, HIDE! behind a wall. Anyway, Barnes was smart enough to keep his two chaos Dreadnoughts as far away from my Blood Angels commander as possible, I was able to reach the 1st one easy enough and left it a pile of smoldering wreckage, but I have to single handedly fight off the hoards of chaos and make my way clear across the map to reach the second one. Falling just short of him with only one wound left...... Next time Michael Barnes won't be so lucky.

Our Second game was the Really nasty Horse Racing Game. I have been wanting to play this game for a while and no one I know ha a copy, so I was eager to try out this box full of screwage. I have to admit I never had a chance in this game, I do not think my horse ever placed and none of my wagers paid off, but what a good time! I will be ordering a copy of this ASAP. The game is exactly what the name says it is, and with the right crowd you can call this a box full of fun.

The last 2 games of the evening were Lineage II, a quick roll and move adventure type game that was only so-so, but with some interesting twists, and the always fun Cash n Guns. (I did pick up a copy of this finally)

Good times were had by at least me, and I hope to get back to Atlanta sometime soon. For now it feels good to be back in the normal routine, worrying about the important things like what picture is #1 on BGG and if that picture reflects poorly on the board gaming community. (Everyone who reads this blog should go thumb up that poorly dressed young MTG chick)
Also I have to prepare myself for next weeks trip to the World Boardgaming Championships. This process involves getting my body used to a lack of sleep and a diet of Candy bars and Beer.

-M

Edit: FYI the Dune map survived and is just fine! I was able to get it rolled up nice and safe when I got back to the hotel.

121 comments:

ubarose said...

I want to play The Really Nasty Horse Racing Game too.

This process involves getting my body used to a lack of sleep and a diet of Candy bars and Beer.

I prefer the WBC liquid spa diet - Red Bull, Coffee and Bourbon.

Jack Hill said...

I personally think that the only thing that kept me sane through college was a steady diet of Old Crow Bourbon and Tab.

Sorry I missed you. I was at a Eurogamer con. On the plus side, I spent a long afternoon playing Descent with the guy who did Ticket to Ride.

Alan has gone totally freaking insane over Descent. He has two giant tackle boxes for the game, has paid a BGG user to cast and paint him a set of 3D Descent tiles, and has replaced all of the minis with the Wizards D&D prepainted things. Including a lot of rares for the larger monsters.

I also made a lot of the Boardgamenews crowd play Neuroshima Hex. We'll need more copies.

Hancock.Tom said...

The Blood Angles! Scourge of geometry-failing-chaos-marines the galaxy over!

Mr Skeletor said...

Space crusade isn't that much simpler than Space hulk.
Horsey racing sounds sooo Euro.
No mission red planet?

StephenAvery said...

I'll have you know that I did an outstanding job playing the Imperial Fags. MY intersecting lines of fire were flawless and I totally sold Mark Zohgby out and set myself up for the uberpoint win. Now if the dice had just agreed with my strategy :D:D:D

Steve "Imperial Fag" Avery

Casey said...

Man, every time I think I've heard of all the GW games, I'm surprised by another one. Space Crusade eh? I haven't been able to play Space Hulk even. But it's too expensive to buy like most old GW games. I would really like to try out Warhammer Quest.

Though from what I've heard, Hybrid is a pretty good replacement for Space Hulk.

Muzza said...

Space Crusade eh?

I've a copy of that, it's spent at least 10 years taking up a fair chunk of shelf space and has yet to be played. Might have to dig it up and give it a spin.

simon said...

malloc said:

For now it feels good to be back in the normal routine, worrying about the important things like what picture is #1 on BGG and if that picture reflects poorly on the board gaming community. (Everyone who reads this blog should go thumb up that poorly dressed young MTG chick)

No!

Rather Support Naked Rat!

Russ Fade said...

I'd like to hear more about your TI3 game. I only get to play it about 3 times a year so I have to live on others' tales.

Pat H said...

Space Crusade sounds like fun - if anything a great source of cheap figs.

Ken B. said...

I wouldn't say cheap--I've had trouble finding an affordable copy.

Michael Barnes said...

Had a great time Malloc- we'll have to do it again some time. Your experience was totally different than Franklin Cobb's, you didn't get roped into one of Steve "Puddin'" Avery's "I-kind-of-read-the-rules-10-years-ago"
play it by ear adventures. Sucks you didn't get to meet Richard or Jack (off playing with his famous board game friends, no doubt), but there's always next time...

SPACE CRUSADE...one of my Gameshark columns next month is about it. Playing last week, I realized how much I really like that stupid game. It's actually even more stripped down than MUTANT CHRONICLES and it doesn't have that bad-ass cooperative/competitive angle, but it's 40K and it's a great shoot-em-up with awesome production.

I traded for mine on the Leading Board Game Site...mine is a Dutch copy (so it's called STARQUEST) and I have the Dreadnaught expansion...I had to localize my copy, but fortunately there's a couple of "spare parts" dealers out there that seem to have pretty much everything. You could theoretically build a set from spare parts if you were so inclined and there are parts of it you can download as PDFs as well.

Michael Barnes said...

Oh, and that session of REALLY NASTY HORSE RACING GAME was one of the best we've had. Beekeeper Jason Thomas wound up on the recieving end of a Mike Barnes headlock, a couple of races saw the entire field wiped out, and I won a 25:1 longshot bet on "Slow n' Steady" Jeff Jarvis. There ain't nothing "elegant" about that game...

Ken B. said...

I hope to be back in Atlanta in November. This time I will have the foresight to actually request the games played in advance. Dune is high on my list.

Gary Sax said...

There are Necrons in Space Crusade? I thought they were a later creation by GW, but I wasn't around in the Rogue Trader days or anything...

Michael Barnes said...

Well, they're called "Androids" but they very obviously look and act like Necrons...all that's missin' is the lime green...

The Euro Overlord said...

(Thunder)

Enough of this babbling. The contents of this vile thread are enough to make any man regurgitate his manhood!

First, let me introduce myself. I am the Euro Overlord. I endorse the finest boardgames on the planet, Eurogames. No doubt you have amused yourselves by your so called "revolution" but in reality you have accomplished nothing!

I got three words for you

Settlers of Catan

All your shooting off at the mouth has done nothing. Nothing has changed in the world of boardgaming. Euros are still king.

To those of you that hang out in this forum that may sound odd. But the world you inhabit is in reality just a self-absorbed mutual masturbation society as most of you don't have the social skills to participate on the major boardgaming sites. But back to the issues at hand. Where to begin???

Let's start with "The Really Nasty Horseracing Game" Here we have Ubarose all excited to play this, and why? Because Michael Barnes says its a good game. He gets to put somebody in a headlock and act like he his back in middle school while playing a "roll and move" horsie game! In reality the game is OK but to fall for the hype regurgitated by Michael Barnes is a mistake. The game can be called an idle amusement and is no where on the level of "Royal Turf" or as its now called "Winners Circle" This Knizia masterpiece is a much better game and light years ahead of "The Really Horseracing Game" it scales much better too. To say that "The Really Nasty Horseracing" game plays well with two players is like saying the Ameritrash Revolution actually had an impact, both those cases are laughable!

To the issue of gaming in Atlanta, I will say that there is no doubt some really good gaming in that area, the Atlanta Game Fest is proof positive of that! But the idea of these guys salivating at the mouth to go play with Michael Barnes is laughable. Didn't I read somewhere about Michael having his own "Ameritrash" convenntion? Hmmmm I wonder what happened with that? The fact is there is just not enough support to have a convention like that. Look at this silly Blog. You have what may 40 or 50 guys that post? Look at BGG how many thousands of members do they have?

The fact is the pendulum is swinging the other way now and what little momentum you had for your so called "revolution" has sputtered out at the hands of a few guys who dick around on the computer all day talking about "Ameritrash" while no doubt their wives are at work making money to feed their lazy asses.

Its over and guess what, it never really started because the Euro is and always will remain KING.

Yours truly,

The Euro Overlord

Michael Barnes said...

Euro Overlord, you're an imposter, a charlatan, and a fraud. In that order.

No self-professed "Euro Overlord" would take that for an avatar...no, to the Euro mind "Overlord" means some poncey git trussed up in an Elizabethan collar overseeing municipal building projects.

However, please do share more of your hilarious "insights" and preposterous comments...it's been a while since we lost Professor Euro, Eurovagina, and the other host of the "villains" so it's good to have you on board. Now kindly fuck off, won't you?

mtlawson said...

I think I now know where Professor Euro went to.

--Mike L.

Shellhead said...

The sad truth is that shitty games like Risk and Monopoly probably outsell all of the best Euro and AmeriTrash games put together. If Euro is King, it must be King of a very small country. Lichenstein? Monaco? Isle of Man?

Thaadd said...

My favorite is the '(Thunder)'.

Are we supposed to be impressed?

Michael Barnes said...

I think it's hysterical that (thunder) Euro Overlord decides to make his apperance here in a thread about (lighting striking) Malloc visiting Atlanta. It also gives a clue as to who Euro Overlord really is- my bet is that it's (wind blowing)Steve "Puddin'" Avery.

Michael Barnes said...

The contents of this vile thread are enough to make any man regurgitate his manhood!

I'm just going to quote that bit to put it out here in the open...no comment, I think everything that needs to be said is right there.

The Euro Overlord said...

Typical Barnes response! "Fuck off"

When you know you are beat all you do is use that vile, sewer language, just like a sewer rat does when he's cornered.

My Avatar? You think you guys got the market cornered on cool graphics? One word: Tikal

Imposter? HA! Look who's talking. Your game ratings go up and down like a stock market. The fact is you're just like a kid in a toy store who can't make up his mind. Do you ever notice that the "real" game reviewers don't change their ratings that much? You are the imposter sir!

We have tried things your way and it failed! Remember back when Toys R Us was stocking Avalon Hill games? Yes, you and a few dozen other "guys without girlfriends" loved it! But most people took the games back because they were too complicated! Why in the world would we wanna go back and make that mistake again?

Magic Realm? What kind of guy with any social life was playing that game. The game is terrible! This game has to hold the record for the worst game of all time and one of the prime reasons Avalon Hill went down, more rules and fluff does not a game make!

I have to laugh, "Zombies" !!!!
You suggest Zombies and you are trying to bring gamers into the hobby? Bless your little misguided hearts you just won't give up on this game will you. You see the 100 plastic Zombies and your minds turn to mush!!!

The Euro Overlord said...

The contents of this vile thread are enough to make any man regurgitate his manhood!

I'm just going to quote that bit to put it out here in the open...no comment, I think everything that needs to be said is right there.


I'm Glad you caught that bit Barnes, it was just for you because everyone knows how much you like to "blow your own horn"

(thunder)

Michael Barnes said...

Man, it stinks in here...

I just realized what Euro Overlord's (thunder) is...next post he'll blame the dog, watch.

The Euro Overlord said...

(Thunder)

More like napalm, Barnes.

I've been hired by a group of Eurogamers to exterminate your ass.

They are too busy actually playing games to worry with a pissant like you. The fact is we think you are bad for gaming and your arguments hold no water.

The fact is you and your ilk are nothing more than a bad sequel to "Revenge of the Nerds"

Its over pal

Michael Barnes said...

Hey, isn't your avatar from an _XBOX_ game cover?

The Euro Overlord said...

The Origin of my Avatar is unimportant. What is important is your acceptance of the Euro Game as the unsurpassed gaming experience.

No one blames you for that chip on your shoulder when you were cast out from BGG. But as the fog is clearing you must realize that the Euro is regaining strength.

Your arguments while cute for their own sake have grown stale. The Euro was caught off guard but is now growing stronger by the day. You cast aside the Euro to play 6 hour long games of Descent?

You might as well play Dungeon and Dragons if you are going to invest that much time in a game.

StephenAvery said...

It also gives a clue as to who Euro Overlord really is- my bet is that it's (wind blowing)Steve "Puddin'" Avery.

Puh-lease.Any villain I cook up would be three times as credible and ten times more entertaining.

Also That's Steve "asskicking" Avery not puddin (and frankly the yearning look in your eye when you say puddin is freaking me out...)

The Euro Overlord said...

(Thunder)

This is no game. Your Ameritrash buddies are falling like flies.

Skeletor, the weakest of all your minions spanked by BGG

Weeks, the guitar hack, bannished, finished, done.

Robert Martin silenced.

Ken Bradford not even a factor

Ubarose, doll show maven, merely a fly in the Euro Machine

Its over.

Michael Barnes said...

I've been hired by a group of Eurogamers to exterminate your ass.

Now, if someone like Mr. Skeletor or Malloc said that, I'd be scared. But coming from you, I know that just means you'll bid "4" when I bid "2".

The Euro Overlord said...

Give it time. The fear will grow and then overtake you, as I brand your ass with a cube.

(Thunder)

Ken B. said...

Did somebody break wind in here?

Michael Barnes said...

This is no game. Your Ameritrash buddies are falling like flies.

OK...

Rick Thornquist- last seen on the EVENT HORIZON.

Greg Schloesser- destroyed and left penniless by his obsession with perfect hair.

Mike Chapel- Had a sex and species change, now a female ape.

Tom Vasel- Ascended into Heaven to sit at the right hand of God.

Aldie- crying silently in a corner.

Derk- somewhere in the Carribbean, counting his tens of dollars he's made off BGG.

Anonymous- not even a factor.

The Euro Overlord said...

Nice joke but let's now try the truth:

Greg and Rick: The most respected game reviewers in the hobby.

Mike Chapel: Intelligent and more wit in his little finger than you could ever hope to have!

Tom Vasel: Single most important man in gaming. Michael? Michael who?

Aldie: Owner operator of the best gaming website on the net

Derk: Has the greatest talent for seeing through bullshit! (example, calling Barnes a butthead)

Anonymous: Don't know him

Michael Barnes said...

You're right, pal...we lose. How could we ever withstand your "clever" and "elegant" assault? Congratulations, you win a night in Snake Mountain with Mr. Skeletor. One night of lovemaking (or hatemaking, as the case may be)with our own Frank LaTerra and you'll be shaving your head and planning your comeback tour in no time.

Anybody up for a round of NOTRE DAME on Brettspielwelt?

The Euro Overlord said...

Congratulations! Admitting your a loser is the first step to your recovery.

Notre Dame is a good choice but for God Sakes play it "face to face". Lord, knows you need help with your social skills.

Time to turn off the computer, Punky Brewster!

Ken B. said...

"your a loser".


That's beautiful. I would say it's intentional irony but it's easy to tell that is not the case.


You lack the charm and wit of Professor Euro; come back to us when you've got something better to offer.

The Euro Overlord said...

Ken,

How did you get into this club? At least most of the Ameritrashers seemed to have a personality.

Did you pay them money to let you in?

Michael Barnes said...

I don't know, I like the sad attempts Euro Overlord is making to sound "rough and tumble"...his appearance reminds me of that episode of SILVER SPOONS when "The Ricker" showed up with his jacket sleeves rolled up and wearing "shades" to look tough.

The late Professor Euro, my father, was a pretentious, arrogant twit. At least Captain EO here has some vestigial balls.

The Euro Overlord said...

Ken run home to your mother boy. You dont need wit or charm to brand a nerd's ass with a cube

Its over

(thunder)

Michael Barnes said...

Enough! Did you have to eat Chimichangas before you decided to make your grand "entrance" here?

Ken B. said...

...seriously. Is this the best you have?

The Euro Overlord said...

Ken,

Its funny you should ask that question. I was going to ask you the same thing when I read your "Them Bones" article.

What a fascinating expose into the world of dice. Ken, no doubt you are up for a Pulitzer prize there! Hey Ken and thanks for correcting my grammer. That's an old trick. When you can't beat their argument attack the grammer. But I'm in such a hurry to expose your foolishness I guess I should have used spell check huh?

"Them Bones" a classic, just a classic Ken. (Pinching Ken's cheek like a grandma)

(and no Barnes, not his buttcheek, please keep your lust for Ken private)

Michael Barnes said...

Hey Ken and thanks for correcting my grammer. That's an old trick. When you can't beat their argument attack the grammer

It's grammar, buddy.

The Euro Overlord said...

(Thunder)

(The Euro Overlord looks to the sky and shakes his fist)

"I'll be back!"

Michael Barnes said...

Hmm...must be quittin' time down at the cracker factory...

The Euro Overlord said...

Barnes? Have you finished the laundry and got dinner on the table?

Your wife will be home soon!

(branded)

The Euro Overlord said...

Barnes I hold no ill will against you. It must be frustrating being a "housewife".

Check out

zestra.com

That may help you!

(Thunder)

bobby_5150 said...

Hey Overload, what do you think your “Dream Date” Knizia would say when he hears you say that Tom is the SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT man in gaming. You don’t want him to cry.

And be careful with your love of Euros. It almost smacks of idolatry, and I don’t think Tom would approve.

Smacks….. Smacks….. That’s like spanking, right?

That’s it! I hear by rename you The Euro Flufferlord. With this new title goes great responsibility. You will have much work at the next “Gathering of Friends.” So stop typing, grab your lotion get practicing.

Mr Skeletor said...

This new guy is boring. Lets go back to talking about space crusade.

If you look at it, it has a lot of parallels with the figures to Heroquest - Orks and goblins, chaos warriors, The big bad (gargoyle/Dreadnought), so I always assumed the Androids were meant to be the skeleton replacement (they look like skeletons after all.)

The Euro Overlord said...

(Thunder)

For those of you that hate violence, I'm sorry you had to see that fight with Barnes and friends but it was a necessary evil. Sometimes you have to squash the rodents and every hobby has its rodents.

Now that Barnes has been exposed as a fickle housewife who dabbles in games to pass the time between ironing his wife's panties let's get to games.

It was important to expose the folly of this site and get those new to the hobby on the right path. Let's face it, if you have some friends over (and when I say friends I mean Normal people not social rejects like Barnes and co.)and you want to play games are you going to pull out a pimple faced teenager game like "Zombies". I say NO!!! Not only No but Hell NO!!!

You and I both know that you would be laughed out of your own house. Check out Carcassonne. It is a sober adult game, that is simple enough for an evening of entertainment. There are many variations out there but take it from me and stick with the original Carcassonne and skip the expansions. Naysayers on this site cut the game for being dull. But I say better to err on the side of dull than on the side of nerd. After all if you are an adult and want to get back into boardgames, the biggest risk is being seen as a geek. I highly recommend you read the work of Greg Schloesser on boardgamegeek.com.

Greg has more experience in games than all of the guys on this site combined. He will get you on the right path. Don't fall prey to the "Ameritrash" silliness. Greg has risen above all of that and has some great, great reviews. I also recommend Tom Vasel on Boardgamegeek and on The Dice Tower Podcast as a sober look at boardgames. The stuff you read on here is mostly bitter nonsense.

Euro games are usually short and simple with a page or two of rules and perfect to get back into gaming without feeling silly or nerdy.

notbillysparkles said...

Are you shitting me? What the hell was that little interlude brought to us by Euro overlord about?

Mike, why the hell did you even give this idiot the time of day?
The man can't even formulate an argument consisting of any recognisable premises for fuck's sake.

He insults your manhood by casting disparaging remarks on the nature of your marriage while refusing to own up to his own lack of manhood by remaining anonymous.

*SIGH*

If at least he had something resembling wit.

The Euro Overlord said...

Billy, Billy, Billy( Said like Ted Knight from Caddyshack)

This is not about wit! If you wanna see wit go see some lesbian comic, I bet you'd love that!

This is about getting gamers on the path of the Euro.

Billy, Billy Billy(Once again said like Ted Knight from the movie Caddyshack)

There was no real reason to give you the time of day, but I felt as though you needed some small thrill in your life.

(Thunder)

StephenAvery said...

So does anyone have a line on a copy of Space Crusade that isn't exhorbitant? Its at the top of my 'to get'list (the other being Battle of the Dinosaurs- the best game EVER)

The Euro Overlord said...

Stephen,

Why waste your money on a copy of "Space Crusade'??

For the money you spent on that you could buy several good Euro's

StephenAvery said...

I play both but I prefer AT games. They are more raucous and ephemeral and appeal to me more than the cerebral dry Euros. Arguing over them is pointless though. Its like arguing over your favorite color.

Malloc said...


Greg and Rick: The most respected game reviewers in the hobby.


By the Eurogame worshiping jackasses maybe. The rest of us know better than to listed to them.


Mike Chapel: Intelligent and more wit in his little finger than you could ever hope to have!


I will give you this, but I like Chapel. The thing that makes him different is that he will call a crappy game for what it is regardless of what side of the euro/AT fence it lands on.


Tom Vasel: Single most important man in gaming. Michael? Michael who?


Single biggest pile of bullshit I have ever heard. Outside of BGG the statement is Tom? Tom who? show me someone on comsim who cares what mr free game thinks.


Aldie: Owner operator of the best gaming website on the net


once again that is correct. BGG is a great gaming database. unfortunately you have to wade through a huge user bias toward eurogames to get honest reviews. But most folks figure out that Alhambra is a boring game after they play it once.


Derk: Has the greatest talent for seeing through bullshit! (example, calling Barnes a butthead)


Derk is the buddy of Aldie and nothing more. He also tends to come off as a drunk, this explains some of his clear vision.


Also, to the comment about Settlers of Catan being evidence of Eurogames dominance, I say sure its great, but its old and we have not seen much new or original since.

So please continue to comment, your view are highly valued here at teh fortress.

-M

Malloc said...


Check out Carcassonne. It is a sober adult game, that is simple enough for an evening of entertainment. There are many variations out there but take it from me and stick with the original Carcassonne and skip the expansions. Naysayers on this site cut the game for being dull. But I say better to err on the side of dull than on the side of nerd. After all if you are an adult and want to get back into boardgames, the biggest risk is being seen as a geek. I highly recommend you read the work of Greg Schloesser on boardgamegeek.com.


What the fuck have you been smoking. First, if you are and adult and have any concerns about being perceived as a geek you first need to see a shrink and grow up, you second better skip the board game, because euro or not we are all geeks tot he rest of the fucking world.

Carcassonne! give me a fucking break. out of the box the original game is passable as a 2 player game. Add in a few expansions and this thing can grow to hours (I got stuck in a 5 hour monster of this piece of shit once!)

This game is something I would (and do) play with my mother in law or maybe my 10 year old niece (she loves citadels BTW). It is a game for non gamers and one that is out grown quickly by even the greenest of newbies. I also recommend you read Greg's work. The go buy some of the games and make up your own mind. Go read some of Barnes' writing as well and do the same.

I don't take anyone's review as gospel. I expect Barnes to run dow euro's and Vassal and Greg S to over rate them.

ow a game like Through the ages, that Barnes and Chapel both praise is something I will check out. Otherwise I just look at the worst page of ratings before I buy any game.

-M

The Euro Overlord said...

Thank you Malloc for the response.
Although, you are insignificant as far as the so called "AT Movement" goes I appreciate your response and would like to correct some of your statements.

When I say "correct" I don't mean your "listed" which should have been listened right? I think we are all intelligent enough on both sides to realize we are not writing an English paper that is to be graded. I think most of us realize that this is a casual forum and hopefully we can just stick to ideas and the occasional personal attack when warranted and in Barnes' case it is warranted.

Your statement on Greg and Rick is quite wrong. Greg writes for "Knucklebones" magazine and has been wrongly labeled a "Strict Euro Guy" He simply plays Euros because they offer a better experience, he is a game lover with a long history of gaming. When you have played as many games as Greg and Rick have, you can begin to see what makes a good game. Their advice is treasured by legions of gamers. In contrast, the advice of Barnes is worshipped by only about 40 or 50 people max.

Glad to see we agree on Chapel and BGG. But the bias you state is only in your mind. The perceived "bias" towards Euros is there because Euros are the better games, and more people prefer to play better games than "Magic Realm" or "Zombies"

Tom is the single most important man in the hobby , because of his great contribution in game reviews and his unrelenting dedication to the hobby, by putting out a weekly Podcast with a listenership of over 2000. Tom recently celebrated his 100th episode. By contrast, Weeks packed in the Ultimate Podcast after a few episodes.

Derk is a little more than a "drunk". The fact is I believe Derk was a major force in bringing about BGG as we know it today. Derk has the energy and enthusiasm and the technical "know how" to get the project off the ground and see it through from start to finish. The same with the BGG convention.

Barnes and Co. are kids with the attention spans of a gnat. I have read many threads about the so called forthcoming "Ameritrash Convention" which has gone through at least 50 name changes. We will never see that because Barnes and Co. are all talk and because frankly there is just not enough support for that fragment of the hobby.

Its funny you talk about "Settlers of Catan" being old and nothing since then. What about "Fire and Axe" even Barnes admitted he liked that and as far as talking about old games what about "Magic Realm" and "Gunslinger" how old is that tripe?

The Euro Overlord said...

Carcassonne! give me a fucking break. out of the box the original game is passable as a 2 player game. Add in a few expansions and this thing can grow to hours (I got stuck in a 5 hour monster of this piece of shit once!)

Malloc, go back and read what I wrote. I said "skip the expansions"

Muzza said...

Good grief, what a plonker!

I'm going right out now and take a course in social skills so that I can argue credibly with Eurotool. Might start with a frontal lobotomy and regressing to prepubescence.

The Euro Overlord said...

Regressing to prepubescence, Muzza?

I got one word for you: Zombies!



(Muzza has been branded in the ass with the Euro Overlords cube brand and is no longer considered a threat. He is now a better man, and one with the cube)

gudo13 said...

yo momma

Ken B. said...

I'll spell this out for you, as you seem a little thick-skulled.


If I'm a boring non-personality, and Malloc is "insignificant", then what does that make you? Oh, that's right...NOBODY.


You crow about the accomplishments of others as though you had an ounce to do with any of it; you deride the efforts of others as though you have ever contributed anything better.

Let's face it--your "contribution" to the hobby is playing Settlers a few times, tossing out petty insults that wouldn't pass muster on any internet message board I can think of, and jerking off to BGG reviews by Vasel. Now it's your turn to color ME impressed.


But hey, I'm willing to be proven wrong. A guy like you I'm sure has a BGG account; hell, I'd bet you cling to it as a vital part of your identity.

Show me what "real writing" is.


"What's in it for me?" you might ask. Simple; show me up, and I'll stop writing for F:AT. Man, that's too good to pass up!


Until then, you are a coward hiding behind a screen name--very brave, that--and you aren't worth any more of our time. Unless you want to answer my challenge, I'm done with you. I'm spelling that part out because you seem the kind of guy stupid enough to mistake silence for victory.

Muzza said...

Sorry EO, that's a lot of syllables isn't it. You can look those words up on Dictionary.com, that'll save you asking somebody face to face.

The Euro Overlord said...

gudo13 is crushed by a falling brick. A brick that The Euro Overlord dislodges from Fortress Ameritrash.

The Euro Overlord is taking the Fortress apart, brick by brick.

It is over.

(Thunder)

gudo13 said...

Ah, yes...but I got yer goat, so she gets crushed with me. That'll make for some lonely nights in your near future.

The Euro Overlord said...

Yes Ken, I have a BGG account in good standing unlike Barnes, Weeks and Skeletor! HA!

Ken I hate to embarrass you again but "Them Bones" could be written by a First grader.

This is an 8 sided dice, uuuuuh, (slurp) This is a 12 sided dice, (snort)

I don't blame you for your hostility Ken, the fact is the truth hurts but not as much as that cube brand on your ass. Nurse Chapel( A little pun for the Star Trek Geeks) will apply some salve to help the cube brand heal.

Pat H said...

(Beer Burps)

Well at least we know who will clean up the empties when we leave this thread.

Oh yeah, EO the exalted Vasel nut-hugger, when you can dig that wooden dildo out from your ass, grab yourself a beer and toss a few d6's, then shut the fuck up. I didn't think anyone was capable of that much ass kissing/man crush in one day.

Don't forget to empty the ashtrays douchebag.

(Wet fart).. fuck.

Pat H said...

Chaos used to have androids that looked like The Terminator - they pre-date the Necrons.

The Euro Overlord said...

You See Pat H and Barnes are typical of the vile rodents present in the Ameritrash Scene. It is my job as sent by the Euro Gods to clean this filth up.

Pat H branded then crushed by a falling brick from the Fortress.

It is a dirty job but somebody has got to do it. When I say dirty I mean dirty, look at Pat H's pants. He talks tough but soiled himself when I approached with the brand.

Pat H , branded. And will you look at the beer this fucker is drinking! Canadian beer(Goat Piss), and he calls himself an Ameritrasher! Bullshit!

gobbag said...

Chaps - it's been a while since I posted, but I enjoy reading the blog and check in regularly.

This is one of the funniest threads in quite a while. Why are you all getting your knickers in a twist over the euro overlord?

michael barnes and Mr Skeletor are doing a creditable job of responding but not rising too much to flies floated expertly on the water's surface.

Otherwise, talk about taking the bait. I can almost see the hook pulling your collective cheeks over to one side. Relax. Imagine the euro overlord speaking in a loud strident voice like Brian Blessed in, well, pretty much anything. It's actually rather amusing.

If Euro is King, it must be King of a very small country. Lichenstein? Monaco? Isle of Man?

Not the latter, Shellhead. No Euros on the Isle of Man. A few comeovers from England if they have money with them, but everyone else is shot on arrival.

Michael Barnes said...

I was curious to see how Captain EO came up with his avatar...if you put in "Overlord" in a Google image search, guess what the first thing you come up with is? I am now convinced of his wicked genius.

We are dealing with the most dangerous threat F:AT has ever faced here, people. He's like Cobra Commander for the Euro crowd!

WHAT DO WE DO???

Euro Overlord's Mom said...

Whew...Mr. Skeletor just WORE MY ASS OUT. Talk about a boner!

Dwight, please stop antagonizing these F:AT folks with your "Euro Overlord" posts. You need to take Peebo out for a walk, and clean your room. I'm tired of stepping on those "meoples" or whatever they are. Oh, and the psychiatrist called to see if the bedwetting had stopped.

Love
Mom

Muzza said...

"Mr. Skeletor just WORE MY ASS OUT"

What? Couldn't he find a hat?

simon said...

"The euro overlord" just created this mere distraction to snatch a sealed copy of "Space Crusade" off ebay for a 20 bucks. He knew that everyone interested in this game would be hanging around here.

Application of the "1% rule" shows that having 40-50 active users with an account, this blog has circa 4000-5000 guests who come here to view the content.

Another side note: Although Steve Weeks hasn't put forth more than 100 podcasts, he still created almost 20. It can be said that this is "only" 1/5, but it sure ain't nothing.

Also Greg Schloesser has more than 1000 games, and you may very well equate that with having a rich gaming experience. However, it is impossible to remember rules for 1000 games, and therefore having games with 2-page rules (not in TAHGC font) comes in more handy. I don't doubt Schloesser's expertise with this type of games.

But for Joe Average owning more than 10 games already sounds pretty weird. Why shouldn't he be more interested in a game like Twilight Imperium, which is ultimately more rewarding than 5 or more euros?

Dan Daly said...

After reading through more Euro Overlord comments then I should have, a strange sense of deja vu struck me. Imagine the posts in a variety of fonts and colors and then read them again......GROGnads!!!!

Nah, I don't really think it's Robert, just some poor imitation.

Pat H said...

(Toking)

Yeah Overlord guy, you lost all credibility when you insulted Canadian beer - you don't get out much eh.

(More toking)

MWChapel said...

Man, so much love for Chappy. *sniff*

Capt. EO, I like the cut of his jib. Got to have a nemesis in the metagame(not me BTW :))

As for Neuroshima Hex, I am SOOOOO surprised anyone here likes that game. It's a complete abstract with a theme tacked on. And not even tacked on well. The game reminded me of Dungeon Twister. Might as well play ricochet robots, has about as much theme...Think you all were turning into a bunch of lifeless Go players.

/Not a butthead
//Knower of Crap

Ken B. said...

Yeah, so we love the Monkeyman. Get over yerself, Chapel. Uh...wait.

Personally, I'm okay with the occasional thinly-themed game (like Dungeon Twister) so long as the theme chosen is a good one.

Even then...it doesn't always work. I played Cave Troll for the first time last week and I wasn't impressed. So it's hit or miss.

Michael Barnes said...

No Chapel, like I've said before, you're like the "friendly" alien on V...soon you'll find a nice AT girl, shack up, and have a half-wooden baby with her.

NEUROSHIMA HEX works for me because there's enough aggression in it to sate my bloodlust and it's really short- 20 minutes unless you play with Suduko mavericks or accountants. It's definitely on the abstract end, but it's a hell of lot more fun than INGENIOUS, BLOKUS, or any of those other pointless exercises in pointlessness.

CAVE TROLL...sorry Jeremy...I really do love you guys...but it's time to flush that one down the toilet.

Muzza- funniest post in thread.

neonpeon said...


I got three words for you

Settlers of Catan


Once I attempted to convert the old computer game MULE to board game format... Some aspects simply didn't work - particularly the real time stuff. There was no need to run around placing MULEs to develop resource A on terrain X, for example, where A can "grow" decently on terrain X, really well on terrain Y, not so well on terrain Z. Too many calculations that aren't difficult for a computer, but really bog down a board game. Needed to be simplified quite a bit. When reproducing the auction system, testing revealed that it's much simpler to just yell "hey anybody want food for energy?" Computer and board games are just too different.

So I found that the more I stripped the game down, the more it resembled Settlers of Catan. I truly believe that Settlers of Catan is a board game conversion of an Atari game about ailens and robots, designed by transsexual American game designer Dan(ielle) Bunten.

The Euro Overlord said...

(Thunder)

Good morning. Glad to see the overall hatred for "Cave Troll"

This is typical of the garbage that is spewed from the bowels of Fantasy Flight Games.

A company that shakes in fear of Tom Vasel. Scared to release a game that doesn't meet his high standards.

"Back to the printers, Tom won't like this!"---Executive wiping his brow with a pink hanky at FFG

Michael Barnes said...

M.U.L.E. is brilliant, glad to see it get some notice here. What an anomaly...a video game with auctions?

Wait a minute, I smell sausage- did someone poot?

The Euro Overlord said...

Barnes, just because you say something is brilliant doesn't make it so.

You have been kicked off the World's best boardgaming site! Boardgamegeek due to your behavior problems.

You have hit rock bottom! Writing on a little blog that by the way the hits are overstated!

Sure, your ego got a boost since you are writing for Game Shark but all you are doing there is turning potential gamers away by suggesting games that are terrible!

Turn off the computer and go work on your Keebler Elf costume for Dragon con!

MWChapel said...

If you guys like M.U.L.E, you should download this guys rendition of it called L.L.A.M.A.:

http://www.boardgamegeek.com/game/18051

The guys did an awesome job translating it to board. It works quite well. And he did a great job with the art I thought.

MWChapel said...

BTW...M.U.L.E is quite euro! ;)

The Euro Overlord said...

If its Euro it is good!--

In other news--"Alan Moon's "Ticket To Ride" sales continue to soar! I just don't have the words to express the genius of Alan Moon. It is just amazing what Alan has done for gaming with "Ticket to Ride".

AT naysayers cut the game for being simple, even calling it a children's game!

Such comments! Such stupidity, the likes have never been seen!

If we are going to have another gaming boom we have to have accessible games, not games like "Magic Realm", "Twilight Imperium", or" Gunslinger"

The KISS principle is key in gaming (Keep It Simple Stupid)

Alan Moon's "Ticket to Ride" I believe will never be topped in terms of playability and sheer genius.

Ken B. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ken B. said...

I had M.U.L.E. for the Commodore 64, but it was a bootlegged copy and didn't have instructions. I never got very far on it. Looks like it's time to drag out the ol' emulator files again.

The Euro Overlord said...

Ken,

I am surprised you can even post you must be so excited about your upcoming trip to Atlanta to play your pre-teen games with Barnes.

Ken's Gaming Schedule with Barnes:

1. Arrive in Atlanta at 8:02pm
2. Check into Motel 6
3. Leave wake up call for 6:02 am
4. Stop at store for Yoo Hoo's
5. Meet Barne's at College
6. Do AT headbutt and ass grab
7. Do Yoo Hoo Toast to the AT Brotherhood
8. Dance to Viking Metal music while wearing "Borat Style" swim suits
9. Ignore all females making "L"'s on their foreheads with their hands
10. Play a wicked cool game of "Zombies" with an extra 100 or so Glow in the dark, female Zombies with newly tweaked rules from Robert Martin.

11. Fly Back the next day with a Yoo Hoo Mustache, bleary eyed and smiling, thinking to myself

"It doesn't get any better than this!"

neonpeon said...

Ken, definitely check it out, just note that single player isn't very good except for learning the game. (There are always four players, with AIs filling the empty slots.) Here's a link to the manual - http://muttoo.on.ca/mulemanual/

Michael Barnes said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Michael Barnes said...

Euro Overlord, you definitely know a lot about our gaming traditions here in Atlanta...a little TOO much.

I'm going to out you.

Turn off the computer and go work on your Keebler Elf costume for Dragon con!

Well, that's what I WAS going to be but now I think I'm going to start work on my Euro Overlord costume.

I thought it might be nice, a little quid pro quo, if we take a look at Euro Overlord's gaming schedule when he goes to Gulf Games, Gathering of Friends, or whatever.

1. Six months in advance begin asking via BGG forums about what games he should bring.
2. Five months in advance post Geeklist indicating which games he will be bringing
3. Four months in advance post response to luggage packing suggestion article on Boardgamenews.com
4. Three months in advance chuckle at "hilarious" Ted Alspach cartoon where the Provost character is caught in bed with a DESCENT Beastman
5. Two months in advance take "pre-event" shower, wash Hawaiian shirt owned since high school
6. One month in advance begin trolling area newspapers for "Asian Spas" and FLGS to visit during gaming downtime
7. Arrive at convention three days early to get in on some "earlybird" gaming
8. Chortle condescendingly at passersby in hotel who look down on grown men playing children's games
9. Shake hands with Alan Moon- immediately retire to bathroom for masturbation session with same hand
10. Rhapsodize about the woebegone days when event was dominated by Eurogames as hero Alan Moon plays his super-deluxe version of Descent
11. Return home and immediately post Geeklist about games played at convention
12. Realize that a game he rated very low was played with incorrect rules, game designer kills self before correction can be made
13. Post responses to Geeklists about event including lamentations of the lack of all-you-can-eat restaraunts in event vicinity
14. Begin planning for next event, six months in advance.

Juniper said...

ZOOLORETTO STRATEGY GUIDE:

1. It's OK to take trucks that are not full. You'll have plenty of animals by the end of the game, anyway.
2. If you are taking trucks that are not full, consider making an extra effort to collect fertile animals to produce offspring.
3. Plan to buy the extra enclosure (3 coins).
4. Cash is king. Expect each coin that you collect to represent a net gain of at least one point.
5. Euro Overlord is a moron.

The Euro Overlord said...

Touche Barnes!

I can see you will not be defeated easily!


(Thunder)

The Euro Overlord said...

Oh..and Juniper wears panties bigger than Ubarose does!

(Juniper's ass is branded with the Euro Overlord's Cube brand(The extra large one) and is no longer considered a threat)

Michael Barnes said...

I think Euro Overlord's branding thing must come from all that time he spends with Caballeros...if you know what I mean.

Muzza said...

Yawn.

Let's bring back that anonymous idiot.

The Euro Overlord said...

The Euro Overlord does not take kindly to your attacks on my manhood.

I got 4 words for you Barnes:

YOUR PINK CELL PHONE

(The Euro OverLord Grabs Barnes and attempts to brand him but he slips from his grip)

"You greasy bastard, your time is coming!"

(Thunder)

Michael Barnes said...

Ha ha...you're so busted...

Hey guys, didya know that Euro Overlord is an elementary school art teacher?

Jack Hill said...

Barnes: are you sure about Euro Overlord? I think it might be Launius instead.

As to Neuroshima Hex, I don't think it is abstract at all. It is at least as flavored as the Clix games-it was clearly designed with a theme in mind. It has instant events (5 different types), each unit has quite varying stats (melee vs ranged attacks, differing damage, differing health, nets, shields, differing initiative, and the wacky specials. Plus module bonuses.

The big difference is that the basic structure of the game is changed from an action/attack on your turn to one where you set up fields of fire, and eventually battle breaks out. And you don't roll dice.

Do you HAVE to stick a die roll in between choosing an action and seeing its outcome for it to be an AT game? Otherwise we'll pretty much have to dismiss all of the CCG's. And I rather like Magic and Netrunner.

Ken B. said...

No need to dismiss Netrunner--there's always "Playful AI".

For Magic, I've lost count of how many "coin-flippin'" cards there are. And Unglued...wow.

The Euro Overlord said...

Not even close Barnes


(Thunder)

Michael Barnes said...

If you're not "Puddin'", then I have you narrowed down to two other possible candidates. I'm watching.

Jack- I don't think it's Launius...he's got more class than this clown.

Pat H said...

Thunder, trash talking - I'm sorry sir..please hand over your "Euro Fan Club Card".

I've put a call through to Rio Grande and they want to have a word with you about all this conflict, trash talk and otherwise non-euro behaviour.

If you don't watch your step you may have your free games tap turned off.

Michael Barnes said...

Hmm...maybe Euro Overlord is Jay Tummelson, panicking over all the sales he's losing to AT titles and completely missing the boat by not publishing any...I'm sure the upcoming BURGER JOINT and LEMONS TO LEMONADE will rake in sales...

Jack Hill said...

Not Jay Tummelson. Jay would NEVER diss D&D. He was heavily into the RPGA, and is quite fond of D&D. He's also entirely too mellow.

I don't think it is Avery, though. He can't type that fast. Although he did use the word Pal. Kinda sounds like Avery.

How about Rob?

Michael Barnes said...

Nah, Robert's too calm and collected to do all this...it could also be...the Beekeeper...

The Euro Overlord said...

Do you you actually think someone in your inner-circle of AT fools would betray you...I---I

(The Euro Overlord grasps his head in agony and screams)

"Where am I?"

(meanwhile in an undisclosed location)

"Adjust the modulation!! For crying out loud we are losing him!!"

(Back to the Euro Overlord, who's pain has completely vanished)

I am unstoppable and will no cease until my mission is complete!

Michael Barnes said...

Did I hear something buzzing in the background?

Pat H said...

He's on the ropes...Quick, throw him a six pack and anything made of plastic!

Michael Barnes said...

I BID FIVE!!!!

Take that Euro Overlord!

The Euro Overlord said...

Not exactly buzzing in the background...No it sounds like a radio


차다...

Rliyen said...

The contents of this vile thread are enough to make any man regurgitate his manhood!

I'm just going to quote that bit to put it out here in the open...no comment, I think everything that needs to be said is right there.


I guess he wanted to be a Vaselite so badly that he decided to eat his own manhood as a sign of his (stupidity) dedication to (cuntlordsupreme) Tom "I'm blowhard" Vasel".

This guy is about as amusing as chemotherapy.

robartin said...

Malloc, Malloc, Malloc. The high point of the game was when Barnes put The Beekeeper in a sleeper hold. And you didn't even mention it!

Michael Barnes said...

I may have actually had the Euro Overlord in the sleeper hold, come to find out...

Anonymous said...

Popped in because I haven't checked this place out in a long time.

I thought Overlord was funny and ironic until I read this:

I don't know, I like the sad attempts Euro Overlord is making to sound "rough and tumble"

And that was hilarious until this genius follow-up:

...his appearance reminds me of that episode of SILVER SPOONS

Ken B. said...

Ricky's dad would beat you over the head with a diamond-encrusted baseball bat, then ride off down the hall on that little miniature train they had.