Tuesday, 20 November 2007

Extending the Olive Branch of Friendship

Poor old Hanno. All he wanted to do was bring the joys and wonders of the farming life to the gaming crowd. Yet due to some lousy pranksters (not us, we swear!) his game went from 61 to the shocking position of 161, a ranking only fit for those inelegant Ameritrash games.

It really disappoints me that there were people who actually impeded Angricola’s right, nay it’s duty, to hit the top 10 5 minutes after it came out. I mean how are people to know that they simply must purchase a copy without it being up there? Besides, if it doesn’t hit the top 10 right now, when is it going to get there – in three months when everyone has moved onto the next Eurofad and Agricola is marked down for sale on Tanga en masse? I doubt it.

Unfortunately we here at F:AT, being the uncouth sheep we are, got in on the act too, and several of us caused much unfair stress too poor old Hanno, who gives so much to the Board Game crowd and asks for so little (we are lucky he doesn’t move his voluntary services to helping the children of Africa or something.)

I have however recently been reflecting upon the time when Aldie extended the hand of friendship to Barnes after they had their falling out, and felt inspired. So I too say let us all stand up and extend the olive branch of friendship to Hanno the magnificent, for it was not a prank that was perpetrated on him my friends, but truly a crime.

In order to express our deepest sorrow and shame, and in an attempt to rebuild those bridges we so unceremoniously burned by not rating Agricola a 10, we would like to invite Hanno to personally come down for dinner and sup with us in the trash cave.


Here is the main course.



And yes, you may bring your mother along.

75 comments:

Juniper said...

Do I have to excrete my own sprinkles, or can I add them after the loaf has come out of the oven?

Mr Skeletor said...

I'm not sure to be honest, as that dish is one of Ken's own creations.

Ken B. said...

Is that a picture of Steve Avery? Haven't seen him in a few months, boy has he changed.

Ken B. said...

I mean, the last time I saw him, he didn't have nearly so many sprinkles.

Michael Barnes said...

Hmm...why are we posting pictures of AGRICOLA here?

I thought Hanno passed away eating his own shit at BGG.Con. Reports are that he was found in a corner with AGRICOLA bits falling out of his lifeless mouth. Somebody should call his mom.

StephenAvery said...

Poor Ken, I don't know if I a should be flattered or saddened by his jealousy of me... However In the spirit of this post I extend the olive branch of friendship To Ken.

Besides, if you look carefully, the turd is wearing a Geek of the Week Badge.

MWChapel said...

Hmm...why are we posting pictures of AGRICOLA here?

There is a manure card. It's quite a handy card. Thanks,now you guys are feelin' the Agicola spirit!

Ken B. said...

I admit it...I have a man crush on Steve Avery. He's just so damn...metrosexual.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Malloc said...

Only Avery can make Tanktop shirts, Metro!

-M

Malloc said...

Chapel, Agricola may be good, that is up for debate, but what is not up for debate is that Hanno is an ass.

-M

Juniper said...

Needs sprinkles.

goldenboat said...

Hanno made for a fine drama queen, we should be thankful. He made an ass of himself but given the choice between Germans being outraged over BGG ratings being turfed and manufacturing reasons to invade Poland, I'll take the former.

ubarose said...

Malloc said...
Hanno is an ass.


Nah. He's a fool. Any designer with a lick of sense would have joined in on the prank and gone and rated his own game a 1.

StephenAvery said...

Only Avery can make Tanktop shirts, Metro!

Uhh..thanks. "Metrosexual Brown Puddin Lads of America Unite!"

Steve"Fabulous!"Avery

Michael Barnes said...

Funny thing is that I didn't even know who Hanno was until all this...now I lump in the same category as Uwe Boll, the "belligerent Germans who put out crap products" one.

Shellhead said...

That would be great if Hanno followed Uwe Boll's lead and challenged his critics to a series of boxing matches.

Joel A. said...

I'm sorry, I don't understand any of this, and I tend to follow the news and info on this site as well as...others. Could someone supply some context about this Hanno person and what you guys are talking about?

Mr Skeletor said...

Hanno is God. That is all you need to know.
Pray to him nightly if you don't want to choke on your own poop.


I also recommend people DO NOT type "eat shit" into google images.

Rliyen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rliyen said...

I read through the "1" thread and all I have to say is...

Wow.

Just, wow.

If there's any case for reinforcing stereotypes, the umbrage taken by the 'Cola Inquisitors takes the fucking cake.

It was a joke, guys. No, it wasn't the same as the bombing Hiroshima or Nagasaki as you're making it out to be. Hell, it wasn't even in the same league as kicking a cat.

There are people are more than willing on the site to bash (or praise) games they haven't played (anyone who says that isn't done must also believe professional wrestling is real), but woe be to those who chance a derogatory glance at the Sacred Cow of the Minute: Arigcola.

For no one expects the COLA INQUISITION!!!!

I see that the comfy chair is not enough. We shall now call your mommy and told her you got sick from eating poop! That will show you.

Michael Barnes said...

HANNO is kind of like GABBO except:

- 90% more Germanic
- 95% less puppet-y
- Simultaneously uses references to coprophilia and mothers in his abusive tirades
- Feted as a saint by the users of BGG for his holy "involvement" in the virginal conception of AGRICOLA, the Ur-game that will cure cancer, bring peace to the middle east, and give the world a handy all in one fell swoop

But above all, HANNO is an experience like no other. You think you know HANNO, but then, like a vanishing whisper, you realize you don't.

Juniper said...

Hanno is also kinda like this, but what he's bringing to your mutter ain't flowers.

Mr Skeletor said...

If Hanno was a game, would he be a Euro mainsteam, a Euro snobstream or an Ameritrash title?

Juniper said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Juniper said...

If HANNO were a game, I think he would be the kind where you have to call out his name before you win.

"Oh, no! Again?"
"That's four in a row, sis! HANNO!"

Michael Barnes said...

Maybe HANNO is the seventh in the GIPF series?

Ken B. said...

No, HANNO has too many vowels for that.

I think the next GIPF game is DKNABX.

Horacio Silva said...

Thanks guys, now I have to explain to my wife why I just pissed myself while laughing out loud

ozjesting said...

Surely she has picked up on that little "endearment" before this incident.

;)

Michael Barnes said...

I think the next GIPF game is DKNABX.

Is that pronounced "dagnabbit"?

Make sure it's right, we don't need another "This is gettting mispronounced" thread of 80+ post like the one accompanying AGRICOLA.

Ken B. said...

I think in the native Klingon it is pronounced "DICH IN DER BOX". It's a Knizier design.

Juniper said...

I think in the native Klingon it is pronounced "DICH IN DER BOX". It's a Knizier design

KNIZIER'S DICH IN DER BOX is very dry and mechanical.

Or so I've heard.

Michael Barnes said...

Aw man, it's nothing but clicking and whirring until motor oil spews out all over the rug.

Aarontu said...

"Hmm...why are we posting pictures of AGRICOLA here?

I thought Hanno passed away eating his own sh!t at BGG.Con. Reports are that he was found in a corner with AGRICOLA bits falling out of his lifeless mouth. Somebody should call his mom."
-MB

This is probably the funniest thing I've read so far on this blog. I seriously lol'd.

Doktor Knizier said...

Is there saurkraut in der game? Bratvurst? Lederhosen? German skoolboys? YA!

vandemonium said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JesterKnot said...

Hmmm. Seems the COUNTERCOLA INQUISITION has begun: Agricola jumped up to 26.

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Seriously, this game is the worst I've ever seen in my whole life so far!

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