tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8811769968708731746.post2327221895304058595..comments2023-11-03T02:44:56.790-07:00Comments on Fortress: Ameritrash: ...And May the Dice Gods Smite TheeMatt Throwerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04426055092986158446noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8811769968708731746.post-27290183322859380032007-06-01T13:50:00.000-07:002007-06-01T13:50:00.000-07:00I've totally got to post the animated .gif of "Lor...I've totally got to post the animated .gif of "Lord of the Rings: The Really, Really Short Edition" someday.Ken B.https://www.blogger.com/profile/01621793460967739987noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8811769968708731746.post-16866472090419900772007-05-31T08:12:00.000-07:002007-05-31T08:12:00.000-07:00"We have a mission of utmost importance and the fu..."We have a mission of utmost importance and the future of civilization depends on it. Let us send these miniature, unarmed dopesmoking farmers."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8811769968708731746.post-81160488392229988442007-05-31T06:02:00.000-07:002007-05-31T06:02:00.000-07:00I dunno Baggins... when I was watching The Fellows...I dunno Baggins... when I was watching The Fellowship of the Ring... the second time Frodo cried, I was like, "Wow, this is so much more tragic than I remembered from the books." Of course, I read those books many years ago, so maybe my memory was off.<BR/><BR/>The third time Frodo cried, I was checking my watch. The fourth time Frodo cried, I was hoping that just this once, Boromir could take that ring from him and do something macho and heroic with it. too bad about all those arrows.Shellheadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02023484901650550355noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8811769968708731746.post-65229691348384209332007-05-30T21:21:00.000-07:002007-05-30T21:21:00.000-07:00Failed TV pilots:Queer Elf for the Straight Hobbit...Failed TV pilots:<BR/><BR/>Queer Elf for the Straight Hobbit<BR/><BR/>"Have an Elvencloak! It matches your eyes, but layer it sweety, layer it!... whaddya mean you're not straight?!"Muzzahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00715756477025218313noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8811769968708731746.post-45309499189712765072007-05-30T17:00:00.000-07:002007-05-30T17:00:00.000-07:00LORD OF TEH RINGS IS A MANS STORY- NO PLACE FOR WO...LORD OF TEH RINGS IS A MANS STORY- NO PLACE FOR WOMEN TO CRY OVER THEIR HUSBANDS DIEING IN BATTLE OR TURNING GAY WHILE ON MOUNTAIN TRIPS.<BR/><BR/>SAM AND FRODO IS WHERE THEY GOT THE IDEA FOR SPOCK AND KIRK.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8811769968708731746.post-83997372195082868742007-05-30T15:07:00.000-07:002007-05-30T15:07:00.000-07:00(visions of Conan punching the Balrog in the face ...(visions of Conan punching the Balrog in the face and knocking it out as he staggers around Moria drunk)<BR/>Not enough women to hear lamentate (that a word?) though......Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8811769968708731746.post-2888214762093578442007-05-30T14:20:00.000-07:002007-05-30T14:20:00.000-07:00...and come to think of it, Lord of the Rings coul......and come to think of it, Lord of the Rings could have done with a couple of Sandahl Bergman shower scenes. <BR/><BR/>Sigh. I need to find She on DVD.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8811769968708731746.post-21661034001362755732007-05-30T11:54:00.000-07:002007-05-30T11:54:00.000-07:00I bet upon entering Lothlorien Conan would scoff a...I bet upon entering Lothlorien Conan would scoff at their lack of sophistication and civility.<BR/><BR/>And then burn the whole place down, taking Arwen as his concubine.<BR/><BR/>Anybody ever notice that Conan is like a sort of exterminator, like a barbaric Orkin man? It seems like he's always fighting giant pests and vermin. Shelob wouldn't have had a chance. <BR/><BR/>"Conan, this giant snake has seven jewels. Go kill it and you can have the jewels...and that damn snake won't be posted up in my crib no more"Michael Barneshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01465993224831900150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8811769968708731746.post-85354141518354359672007-05-30T11:48:00.000-07:002007-05-30T11:48:00.000-07:00Don't forget that Conan would have beat on the Elv...Don't forget that Conan would have beat on the Elves & slept with their women on his way to Mordor for practice - because Elves are just crap.<BR/><BR/><BR/>"Turn around Sam - it's time for your bonus"<BR/><BR/>"My bonus Frodo?"<BR/><BR/>"Yeah - a bone between us"Pat Hhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18200005894774999916noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8811769968708731746.post-50374971384728395032007-05-30T11:16:00.000-07:002007-05-30T11:16:00.000-07:00Saruman...Your link is broken.*SNAP*Saruman...<BR/><BR/>Your link is broken.<BR/><BR/><BR/>*SNAP*Ken B.https://www.blogger.com/profile/01621793460967739987noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8811769968708731746.post-90475161068914264292007-05-30T11:06:00.000-07:002007-05-30T11:06:00.000-07:00http://ringil.cis.ksu.edu/Tolkien/Movie/lotr.mov<A HREF="http://ringil.cis.ksu.edu/Tolkien/Movie/lotr.mov" REL="nofollow">http://ringil.cis.ksu.edu/Tolkien/Movie/lotr.mov</A>Matt Throwerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04426055092986158446noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8811769968708731746.post-15503611925243162332007-05-30T09:45:00.000-07:002007-05-30T09:45:00.000-07:00I am so glad I don't watch CSI.....--Mike L.I am so glad I don't watch CSI.....<BR/><BR/>--Mike L.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8811769968708731746.post-24244654864324997422007-05-30T07:55:00.000-07:002007-05-30T07:55:00.000-07:00But then Gollum puts bread crumbs on Conan's frien...But then Gollum puts bread crumbs on Conan's friend's shoulder, and suddenly we're in the middle of an episode of CSI...<BR/><BR/><BR/>"By Crom's Beard! Thy hast eatest all the Lembas Bread!"<BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/>Sam should've been all like, "See these crumbs, Mr. Frodo? You know what this is called? An 'Orgy of Evidence'. Do you know how many of these my Old Gaffer has encountered in all his many years? NONE."Ken B.https://www.blogger.com/profile/01621793460967739987noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8811769968708731746.post-41188296273005638872007-05-30T07:46:00.000-07:002007-05-30T07:46:00.000-07:00Back in my D&D days, I used to joke with my friend...Back in my D&D days, I used to joke with my friends about how The Lord of the Rings would have been better if Robert E. Howard had written it. Imagine the awesome fight scenes between Conan and the Nazgul, Conan and the Balrog, or best of all, Conan and Sauron. <BR/><BR/>And the One Ring wouldn't have been a problem for Conan. All they have to do is tell Conan that it's a magic ring that can only be destroyed at Mount Doom, and Conan is off to Mount Doom. No crying, or hand-wringing or wrestling with temptation, because Conan doesn't like or trust magic, so he isn't going to put on that damn ring. <BR/><BR/>And if Gollum thinks that he's going to take his Precious back, he's going to get his ass beat like a gong... the first time. The second time, Conan's going to lop his nasty little head off.Shellheadhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02023484901650550355noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8811769968708731746.post-8357678572571902892007-05-30T07:30:00.000-07:002007-05-30T07:30:00.000-07:00Sam. Frodo. Spooning on Mount Doom.Why didn't the...Sam. Frodo. Spooning on Mount Doom.<BR/><BR/>Why didn't they hire Conan to do this job? He would have ran the whole freakin' way, squished Gollum's head with his bare hands, and made the three-point shot from Gorgoroth.<BR/><BR/>Maybe the Nexus guys can make AGE OF CONAN compatible with WAR OF THE RING.Michael Barneshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01465993224831900150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8811769968708731746.post-52098099321626716422007-05-30T07:27:00.000-07:002007-05-30T07:27:00.000-07:00Q. How many elves does it take to change a light b...Q. How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?<BR/><BR/>A. Zero...Elves don't change!MWChapelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09901309293432210098noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8811769968708731746.post-46260067868421074342007-05-30T07:24:00.000-07:002007-05-30T07:24:00.000-07:00Oh dear goodness...I've unleashed Monkeyman's INNE...Oh dear goodness...I've unleashed Monkeyman's INNER COMEDIAN...<BR/><BR/><BR/>I weep for the future.<BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/><B>AGENT ELROND:</B> <I>You hear that? That is the sound of Elven Ability. That is the sound of your doom. Goodbye, Mr. Baggins.</I><BR/><BR/><B>MR. BAGGINS:</B> <I>My name....is FRODO!!</I>Ken B.https://www.blogger.com/profile/01621793460967739987noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8811769968708731746.post-62574963597788467732007-05-30T07:13:00.000-07:002007-05-30T07:13:00.000-07:00ShadowFax walks into a bar, bar man says 'Why the ...ShadowFax walks into a bar, bar man says 'Why the long face?'MWChapelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09901309293432210098noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8811769968708731746.post-58364018537078015862007-05-30T07:09:00.000-07:002007-05-30T07:09:00.000-07:00That's what I'm Tolkienabout!That's what I'm Tolkien<BR/>about!MWChapelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09901309293432210098noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8811769968708731746.post-59774061528727150652007-05-30T06:47:00.000-07:002007-05-30T06:47:00.000-07:00Go for the eyes, Gandalf! GO FOR THE EYES!Go for the eyes, Gandalf! GO FOR THE EYES!Rliyenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08644720690880433211noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8811769968708731746.post-42269521010006457052007-05-30T06:42:00.000-07:002007-05-30T06:42:00.000-07:00"If it ain't Silmarillion, it ain't Bible"Oh god, ..."If it ain't Silmarillion, it ain't Bible"<BR/><BR/>Oh god, this thread is going nerd-south with the quickness...Michael Barneshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01465993224831900150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8811769968708731746.post-16875700100622917302007-05-30T06:39:00.000-07:002007-05-30T06:39:00.000-07:00Spotted Bumper Sticker:"Ilúvatar Was a Liberal"Spotted Bumper Sticker:<BR/><BR/><BR/><B>"Ilúvatar Was a Liberal"</B>Fortress AThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07867827199097107795noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8811769968708731746.post-77214534380906350812007-05-30T06:35:00.000-07:002007-05-30T06:35:00.000-07:00Beard? I guess you automatically assume he's a wh...Beard? I guess you automatically assume he's a white guy too...Michael Barneshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01465993224831900150noreply@blogger.com